From her concerts! Enrique Iglesias pulled out prematurely from Britney Spears' concerts. Lindsay Lohan evades a criminal charge. Denise Richards needs extra protection from Charlie Sheen. Wednesday gossip can't handle the truth.

  • Mere hours after Live Nation announced that Enrique Iglesias and Britney Spears would be touring together, Enrique announced he'd changed his mind. Did Live Nation jump the gun, or did Enrique flake? Apparently agents and lawyers had been massaging Enrique's contract for weeks to make him seem like a co-headliner, not an opening act. The handlers reached an agreement, but Enrique himself changed his mind, TMZ reports, because his ego couldn't handle being an also-ran at a Britney concert. [Billboard, TMZ, images via Getty]
  • Now Britney's tour is negotiating to get DJ Pauly D on board. When your replacement is a lesser-known character from a Jersey Shore, yes, it is safe to say that you were an "opening act." [Gatecrasher]
  • Meanwhile, Britney's publicity tour is on lockdown: Carson Daly says her handlers are requiring all interviews be pre-recorded and approved by Brit's flacks before they're aired. Carson responded on Twitter: "F THAT! Never that restricted. Even when I interviewed Michael Jackson, it wasn't anything like this." Add "bend journalist integrity at will" to the "You know you're a celebrity when…" list. [P6]
  • Starlet-in-peril Lindsay Lohan has officially escaped criminal charges for a physical fight with a Betty Ford staffer. One crime down, another crime and a string of probation violations to go! That Lindsay, really turning things around. [TMZ, People]
  • Panhandler's sign on the 405 Freeway: "SlePT WiTh LindSeY Lohan Need HelP." [TMZ]
  • After Charlie Sheen starved his dog to death and rage-tweeted about "bombard[ing]" his "traitor and loser whore" ex-wife Denise Richards with "Warlock Napalm," Denise ramped up security at her home. She should consider installing an airlock full of mood-stabilizing chemicals, so when Charlie shows up at her door to reclaims his dog, he will be forced to walk through a cloud of sanity en route. [Popeater]
  • Dancing with the Stars had to make a special contingency plan in case Chris Brown got booed on the air live last night. It was, "cut camera to Sarah Palin's face," I hear. [Popeater]
  • Sparkle jegging loincloth enthusiast Rihanna on her love life: "I'm not dating. I'm not even sexting. I'm on complete nil." So all those tabloid reports about A-list men following her around like a cat in heat were completely fabricated? C'mon, RiRi, give us something to work with. Sexy side-eye? Flirtatious emoticons? [Us]
  • The disembodied chunk of Justin Bieber's hair that raised $40,000 at a charity auction, and is now making special appearances at bowling alleys in Miami, has its own bodyguard. Bieber relics: Your new religious black market. [TMZ]
  • James Franco landed a job at NYU's film school. He will be teaching 10-12 grad students, possibly assisting them in making a film adaptation of a Louise Glück poem. [NYDN]