Chris Brown has a really hard time not being a complete asshole. Also today: rumors of John Mayer's dating life are greatly exaggerated, Camille Grammer still sucks, and Zac Efron gets a hot beef injection.

  • Tremendous cockwagon Chris Brown is once again behaving like a splendiferous chode-wrangler. He's recently taken to the Twitter to get in a fight with a former member of a band called B2K (wasn't that the name of a serial killer too?), an argument in which Brown used various anti-gay slurs, such as "dick in da booty a** lil boy." Wait... a dick in the booty AND the ass? Get me Corbin Fisher on the horn, I have a new superstar for him! Anyway, Brown has since apologized, saying "By the way, I love all my gay fans and this immature act is not targeted at you!" So take heart, little gays. His homo-hating slurs were not targeted at you, they were just targeted about you. Or something. Man is Chris Brown a fucking annoying little fart-hustler. [Us]
  • Beautiful hero Camille Grammer, the Real Housewife of Beverly Hills who is divorcing Frasier from TV's Frasier, was supposed to get $30 million in her divorce before she secured the wacko $50 million that she's now getting. It had something to do with child support or something, in the way that these kinds of divorces are always, always about putting the children first. [P6]
  • Guys, professional adult kicker of a ball David Beckham did NOT put himself inside of that prostitute back in 2007, he swears under oath in his lawsuit against prostitute Irma Nici (Irma la douche?) and the publishers of premiere literary journal InTouch Weekly, who both insinuated that he had. He seriously promises he didn't. He says he never even met the lady! In related news, Kelsey Grammer just met the prostitute five minutes ago and they're getting married now. [TMZ]
  • Canadian sparkle skunk Shenae Grimes, of Degrassi: The Next Generation and 90210: I Spit On Gabrielle Carteris's Grave, insists, like a little Canadian David Beckham, that she is NOT having sex with that prostitute, singer/songwriter/lovemaker John Mayer. Yeah, apparently there was some kind of rumor floated around that they were an item, but she's taken to Twitter to say "Nunh unh." Kelsey Grammer, however, is dating John Mayer and they are getting married right now. [Us]
  • Kelsey Grammer's future ex-husband Zac Efron has been "beefing up" apparently. This does not mean, sadly, that he's been getting a lot of beef recently, like beef beef, it just means he's been workin' out for his new movie while staying on an island called Parrot Cay with Bruce Willis and his family. Pretty normal story. Just a rowdy hotbod staying on Parrot Island with Bruce Willis and his brood of animate potatoes. That's how most people spend their Thursdays, right? [P6]
  • Hideous monster Natalie Portman has copped to the fact that the lesbian sex scene in her screwball comedy Black Swan is what helped get the movie out there, because getting to see two ladies doing it is why the Founding Fathers made America in the first place. Everyone loves two ladies doing it. Everyone! Even Natalie Portman, who is gross and ugly. [People]
  • Joe Jonas and his super-real girlfriend Ashley Greene recently spent a fun time at Disney World, where Jonas was first built in 1998. The couple had a great time holding hands and trying not to vomit, then they retired to their suite at the Grand Floridian and slept in separate twin beds after trying to make out for a little while but stopping when Joe started to cry and so they just watched the Cooking Channel for the rest of the night and Joe sent a furtive, sad text message to his roommate Nathaniel. [People]