The Way We Live Now: in Rapunzel's shadow. The shining locks of our flaxen-haired daughters are our very last lifeline. Can we spin their strawlike strands into gold? Or at least use their bras as a positive economic indicator?

In Russia, the chief path out of poverty is to grow one's own flowing blond hair, and then cut it off and sell it to be made into wigs halfway around the world. All you short-haired women with poor self-esteem spending hundreds, nay, thousands of dollars on atrocious blond weaves: you're helping to feed a dirt-poor family in Shithole, Siberia. Be proud.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to be a dirt-poor Russian woman with fast-growing blond hair, of course. There are also dirt-poor Russian women with slow-growing brown hair. For them, and for the rest of the non-blond poors throughout the world, diversification of economic strategies is key. Dig up coal and sell it to China! Raise tuition to the moon, whether anyone can pay it or not! Then cut state spending until all the hair-selling and coal-digging in the world can't pay for your decrepit crumbling public educational system, much less food! The well-off must make the "tough choices" to impose policies that will harm on those who are not well-off. It's called leadership!

"Can Wall St. Justify Its Own Existence?" There's a real knee-slapper, a real funny bone-tickler.

A real laff riot.

We're not here to make the choice of how to exploit your poverty-stricken daughters for economic gain for you. We're just here to present the options. And to point out that the single economic indicator that predicts the future health of our nation's economy is push-up bra sales. Economists are not just saying that. Gurl U no it's true.

[Photo: Loren Javier]