A-oooooga! The sound of the approaching tugboat shatters the night’s fog. I make the boat sound with my own wet mouth.

Edward Ivari, the high-end hair-restoration guru whose circumstantial connections to restored-hair-haver Donald Trump were explored in a Gawker investigation last month, is now denying ever laying a hand on the presumptive Republican nominee’s mane. The denial—his first comment on the matter after repeated attempts by Gawker reporter Ashley Feinberg to ask him, and after an exchange of contentious legal letters in June—comes in a recent missive to Gawker from the office of Charles J. Harder, the proxy attorney of Silicon Valley billionaire Peter Thiel, who has acknowledged funding a covert legal campaign to destroy Gawker Media. The company is currently in bankruptcy.

Recode asks: “Did Jack Dorsey send beard shavings to rapper Azealia Banks to promote Square Cash?” Well—did he? For the GIF-filled answer, click here.

This is a close-up photo of Donald Trump’s hair, taken by Christopher Furlong of Getty Images, at Gerald W. Kim Middle School in Council Bluffs, Iowa, on Jan. 31.

Shapeless. Halfhearted. Diffident. Slipping. Unconvincing in the harsh light of the national stage. Observers may say these things about Marco Rubio’s presidential campaign. But no one can say these things about Marco Rubio’s hair.

George W. Bush’s decision to mark the tenth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina with a celebratory speech in New Orleans has raised a lot of questions. One of those questions is, “what the shit happened to his hair?”

Hair clippings from all over Sweden are coming together for an important cause: being woven into apparel.

If you see a man sporting permanent stubble, it is appropriate to assume that he has character flaws that are very grave.

"I like to use hair over dental floss," said Wisconsin resident Kia Cambridge on last night's Extreme Cheapskates. "I know it sounds gross, but this just works. It's a great system." Yup. As systems go, it's up there with Dewey Decimal and that Of a Down.

Earlier this month, doctors reportedly performed life-saving surgery to remove a nine-pound hairball from an 18-year-old girl's stomach. The huge hairball was apparently the result of the teen compulsively eating bits of her own hair and wool chunks from a carpet. Fair warning: Pictures of the bloody hunk of hair and wool, embedded below, are exactly as disgusting as you'd expect.

About a year ago I moved into an apartment with two other long-haired girls and we made a cleaning schedule to keep everything in order. A few months in, I started getting complaints that when it was my turn to clean the bathroom, I did not remove the hairs that accumulate on the drain. I explained that this was because none of those hairs are actually mine as we all have very different hair colors and I have always had the habit of picking up to throw away my hairs every time I shower. (I also think that they don't clean other things properly but have never said anything because worse than being complained to about petty things is complaining about them). I quickly realized that both roommates were very spoilt and continued to believe that I should clean up after them, so I decided to oblige to their requests and start clearing the drain. Using their toothbrushes.

Prince William and his son Prince George have many things in common: a patriotic duty to the nation of their birth; an intimate working knowledge of Kate Middleton's breasts; a high risk of hemophilia. Between them, they also have enough hair to cover the head of one human male.

The Army published new regulations Monday regarding how women can wear their hair when in uniform, and women are already up in arms. Specifically, thousands of minority women who say the service is discriminating against "ethnic" hairstyles.

North Korean Dear Leader/monster Kim Jong-Un is now requiring every man in the country to copy his exact haircut. The rule was reportedly introduced in Pyongyang two weeks ago. (Update: The original Radio Free Asia report on this policy was probably based on an uncorroborated rumor, the AP reports. Sources in Pyongyang say they haven't noticed any changes in hairstyle in the capital.)

The salon sat at the bottom floor of the developing world’s version of a gated community— a five star hotel. The hotel was precariously perched, hosting an army of foreigners working on war, while staying in business under a regime denying war crimes. As a Tamil-Sri-Lankan-American I am neither entirely foreign, nor comfortably local.

The "man bun" fake trend story has been going strong for at least 22 months now, making it the longest-running fake trend story since "cougars."

"Oh god Cher, what are you doing this time?" "Oh, just lip-synching in a shredded-newspaper-meets-Chaka Khan wig."

Your hair style can cause permanent hair damage, according to the American Academy of Dermatology. What sort of hair style, you ask? Oh just braids, ponytails, cornrows, hair extensions, and anything that involves combing, and/or brushing. Etc.

Heidi Klum has been saving her sons' shaved afros in ziplock bags so that she can glue it to their faces in the name of art.

Cher performed on live television for the first time in over 10 years on Tuesday night's live finale of The Voice. She moaned over a backing track on her comeback single...blah blah blah...the real story was her wig. Sorry, wigs.