Won't somebody save tragic ragamuffin Sunny James? Her father has three mistresses on the record, now. Lady Gaga contemplates dying on stage. Tiger Woods courted LeAnn Rimes. Brad Pitt talks about his beard. Thursday gossip has orphans and a widow.

  • Jesse James' ex-wife Janine Lindemulder says her biological daughter Sunny—who is Sandra's adopted daughter—"loves Sandy and vice versa. She's welcome to be a part of every aspect of Sunny's life." Which is funny because Janine was very recently fighting to keep custody of her daughter. "If Sandra decides to keep a relationship going with our daughter Sunny, I would in no way stop that." Is she angling for some kind of child support, or being the bigger woman? Regardless, Sunny's got good taste, gravitating to Sandra, who appears to be the only sane parent figure in her life because Lindemulder once threw a flowerpot at her dad's head. [TMZ]
  • Brad Pitt reveals the rationale behind his chin scraggle of horror: "It's boredom. No other reason than that." Stars: They're just like us, they undermine themselves when they're bored. [Sun]
  • Meet Jesse James Mistress #2: Melissa Smith is yet another tatted-up stripper. (He really has a type, doesn't he?) She's 35 years old; she met Jesse on MySpace in 2006; they didn't stop banging until months into the Bullock-James marriage. Like Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, she says they used to do it on the West Coast Chopper cum couch of horror in his office. She got a DUI for driving with a BAC of 0.18 and once assaulted a police officer. [People, TMZ]
  • Meet Jesse James Mistress #3: Brigitte Daguerre is a curvaceous brunette photographer who spends her free time in frighteningly cinched corsets and pin-up girl lingerie, posing for other photographers. Brigitte met Jesse in 2008, had sex with him four times, and exchanged 195 sexts, all of which she saved. Attagirl. [TMZ]
  • In other Jesse James news, a "high level female executive with West Coast Choppers" settled a sexual harassment lawsuit against Jesse for $700K in 2007. The woman has lewd stories about Jesse offering "some special fluid that you can drink" and sex acts; Gloria Allred was the lawyer (of course); Jesse and Sandra were married at the time of the settlement. [TMZ]
  • Why Lady Gaga collapsed on stage: "I was so jet lagged... I'd rather die on stage than walk off because I was going to pass out." Then her fame-scorched corpse would levitate to the high heavens. The clouds part; a burst of light not unlike that of a camera; a downpour of glitter; the music of a zither, set to an electro beat. [People]
  • Do not view this gallery of Knox Jolie-Pitt cavorting in his beautiful mother's arms if you are ovulating. You may spontaneously conceive, out of sheer joy. [JJ]
  • Speaking of men who have stupid affairs: Before Elin and his parade of mistresses, Tiger Woods briefly dated country singer LeAnn Rimes, reminding us just how generic his taste in women is. It didn't work out because LeAnn's dad "almost had a heart attack" because he thought Tiger was too old for her. [NYDN]
  • "The party of the year" will be Naomi Campbell's fortieth birthday party on May 22, thrown in Cannes by the Naomi's billionaire Russian boyfriend Vladimir Doroin. It'll be "as lavish as other recent big celebrity 40th birthdays, such as Sean Combs, Jay-Z, and Simon Cowell." [Update: Simon turned 50 this year, not 40.] Forty is the new Super Sweet Sixteen. [P6]
  • Remember yesterday's picture of a boozy Lindsay Lohan falling? Now we've got the story: After a night of locking herself in Chateau Marmont's bathroom, screaming on her phone, losing her purse, and harassing strangers, LiLo stumbled out the door and fell, then "slurred" at the paparazzi, "You guys pushed me!" This just got really sad. [P6]
  • PETA is helping Octomom avoid foreclosure by paying for a billboard in her front yard about the importance of spaying or neutering your pets. Her oldest kids should be able to read by now, right? [TMZ]