The Way We Live Now: Old, broke, uneducated, and wishing we were in China. They have it good, over there. The Chinese. Arrrrgh.

You know who does not have it so good, these days? Old, poor, rural people. Think about it: It sucks being old. It sucks being poor. And it sucks being rural. Put it all together and cover in recession sauce, and what do you have? An old man in a trailer home in Tennessee who can't afford to go to Perkins even once a month.

Wouldn't be like this if we were Chinese. No sir. Have you heard the news? China's booming, they say. Never been to China myself, but I imagine every old, rural Chinese man lives in a golden pagoda covered in diamonds sipping caviar stew and being fellated by Megan Fox (an American).

But, oh well. You take what you can get these days. You see those people ringing bells next to Salvation Army donation kettles? You think they don't appreciate what they have? They appreciate it a great god damn deal. They don't give a fuck about "others" or "the Christmas spirit." They give a fuck about employment, and they got some, by ringing that bell. They also got an easy pot of money to skim, which is another story we're not talking about without a lawyer present, pro bono.

The problem with kids today, besides pornography? They're broke. What the hell good are they? They go off to a fancy college, then they have to work at the same time, and they can't handle it, so they drop out. Instead of following Kanye West's example and releasing a multiplatinum album based on being a College Dropout, they end up just lazying around, annoying their poor, rural, miserable grandparents, until the day comes when they blow themselves up with chewing gum.

Less college. More Chinese. If we can't make it to Perkins before January, we want you to slip us eight Oxycontin and say goodbye.
[Pic: Flickr]