America is prepared to sacrifice its own children in order to win the War on Fat, with the help of Jesus, and The Government.

  • Fat City: Earlier reports had indicated that Mike Bloomberg's firm dictate that calorie counts be posted in NYC restaurants was not having any effect on what grease-guzzling citizens were ordering to cram into their gaping maws. But! Now city health officials say "New Yorkers ordered fewer calories at four chains - Au Bon Pain, KFC, McDonald's and Starbucks." Au Bon Pain! Until this law scares Kennedy Fried Chicken customers off of the tantalizingly cheap biscuits, it means nothing.
  • Fat Baby: Wealthy NYC parents are doing another wealthy NYC parent thing, by hiring personal trainers for their eight year-old children! "The family's so busy, [mom] said, they can't find time to teach Julian to ride a bicycle." Also: "'Julian's idea of recreation is a food tour in the West Village.'" Hahaha. +10 to the New York Post for this one. What will these outrageous wealthy parents do next?!?
  • Fat Jesus: Associate professor of religion at Concordia College Michelle M. Lelwica is taking on this whole "Religion of Thinness." She's against it! "Why must a woman be pencil thin to be recognized as 'beautiful' and 'sexy'?" she asks, rhetorically. Oh, Michelle of little faith. Why question the way god hath made us?
  • Fat Justice: If you're an attorney looking to crack audible fat jokes about a prosecutor in open court, at least don't do it during a sexual harassment hearing.

[Pic: John Basedow]