Souped-Up Toyota Runs Over Sweetly Earnest Man-Boy, Keeps On Driving
Everyone really likes cars. But especially when they're blowing up and/or full of guns and hot people. Also, people like both monsters and aliens, but not curly-haired soul-searchers who work at amusement parks.
1) Fast & Furious — $72.5 million
Good lord. You people really wanted to see this damn movie. It's the biggest April opening ever, the biggest ever for Universal, and the biggest ever opening for a movie about four tired old people who thought they'd have better jobs in ten years so they didn't do the first sequel but here we go, what the fuck, no one's banging down our doors, so we'll do the third sequel. So there's celebrating in Hollywood today, and somewhere some dumpy stoner in Silver Lake has just created a Word document ominously titled "Fast and Five-ious."
2) Monsters vs. Aliens — $33.5 million
Down 44% from its boffo debut last weekend, this is yet another computer animated 3D kids thing that just tramps along mercilessly, leaving destruction and Sour Patch Kid-mouth burns in its sugary wake. It's gobbled up a total of $105 million in its first two weeks of release, making it the fastest movie about Reese Witherspoon being a gigantic nuisance to reach the $100 million mark since Sweet Home Alabama came whiskey-farting out of the gate back in 1989.
3) & 4) The Haunting in Connecticut, Knowing — $9.6, $8.1 million
Two schlocky genre pictures that are holding on decently, if not terrifically. Knowing has lured in some $58 million in ticket sales in three weeks, and is proving a moderate success for fledgling schlock purveyor, Summit Entertainment. Connecticut is just further proof that people like cheaply-made ghosties, especially if they come belching out of teenage boys' mouths while creepy sepia-toned old people look on in muted delight. So what does this mean? Put Nic Cage in one of those damn horror movies and you can just start printing money. If he drives a crazy muscle car, too, just imagine.
6) Adventureland — $6 million
Though the film had mostly positive reviews, Greg Mottola's nostalgic look at youth didn't connect at the box office. It was in sixth place and earned only six million dough-lars, so maybe there's a third six out there.... Oh! It stars six people: Martin Starr, Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Swan, Ryan Reynolds, Kristen Wiig, and Bill Hader. Six. Six. Six. Who knew a sweet movie about growing up lost and confused in the leafy but barren Pittsburgh suburbs of the 1980's could be the work of the Morning Star. Someone get Nic Cage on the case, fastly and furiously!
10) Sunshine Cleaning — $1.9 million
Chugging along with a nice $3,900 per-screen average, this little quirk fest is doing decent indie business. It probably won't become a smash and open super wide like its obvious inspiration, Little Miss Sunshine, but it might rack up a nice little bundle nonetheless. Hopefully it'll keep Emily Blunt's bright shiny star on the rise, because she's just really really good in pretty much everything.