Now that the long weekend is over, box office receipts are in and, unsurprisingly, Avatar conquers yet again. But Denzel Washington can still open movies, while Peter Jackson's latest is something of a bust.

This weekend saw more huge numbers for the little chamber piece Avatar, an unsurprisingly British runner-up, and three debuts that didn't go huge but did a-OK. Did you see any of these this weekend?

Monday morning means box office. And a hot Monday morning means summer box office. Which means big, depressing numbers for big, depressing movies. Like G-Force, a Jerry Bruckheimer-produced sorta-animated movie about guinea pigs. Yes, guinea pigs.

Sure, sure, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince raked in a gazillion dollars this weekend. But who are these people who went to Ice Age? Our guess: creationist parents who wanted their kids to watch a nature documentary.

If a gay Austrian falls in the middle of his opening weekend, and lots of people are around to see it, does it mean America hates gay people? Probably yes.

We have a tie! For now. The actuals will come out soon and one film will beat the other. But now! Ambivalence or equality or peace or something. How perfect, as we stand in the smoky ashes of Freedom's birthday.

Sandy Bullock is back in the game, folks! At a lean, mean 45 the actress has pulled off a huge opening. Some credit should go, we suppose, to costars Ryan Reynolds and Betty White. But mostly, yeah, this is Sandy's.

The movie about drunks and their drunken ways keeps hitting the big time. As does the movie about white people in the jungle. Meanwhile, Eddie Murphy and John Travolta have both seen better days.

Up barely floated past the boffo success story of the summer, The Hangover, while some other films struggled for traction in a loud, crowded summertime cinemascape.

Pixar continues its eerily strong success streak with its latest picture, about a floating house. Terminator is in trouble, while the Ben Stiller bubble has yet to pop. It probably never will.

To Infinity, and Beyond! I mean... um... Frak! Wait. No. I am... your father... Greedo... Bespin... Um... Oh, right! Star Trek prospered this weekend and will likely live long in theaters.

Beyoncé has stomped over the land and pillaged and burned, and we are all beholden to her now. Not even Iron Man and a singing, dancing teenager can stop her. We wish you good luck.

A teen reigns at the box office once again, this time though, it's a boy! Plus politics and newspapers don't resound too much with audiences, nor do dark Taxi Driver-esque mall comedies.

Hannah Montana opened big, meaning we get six more years of Miley Cyrus. Fast & Furious continues to do donuts in America's muddy backyard, and those few who Observe'd did not Report good things.

Everyone really likes cars. But especially when they're blowing up and/or full of guns and hot people. Also, people like both monsters and aliens, but not curly-haired soul-searchers who work at amusement parks.

This morning we bring news of the war between Nadya Suleman and Mexicans. Plus, the failing of Julia Roberts and a group of sad people in costume becomes our entertainment.

This was the last weekend of winter! Can you believe it? Pretty soon it'll be summer, and we'll be slogging through big budget schlock about sociopaths in latex and alien witch children. Oh. Wait.

Mondays are best spent piecing together the ruin that followed in the weekend's wake. Recovering the satellites, analyzing the soil samples. And looking at the box office receipts! This week: Disappointment haunted all their dreams.

Good morning and happy, miserable Monday everyone. (Snow on the East, rain on the West). While you cower inside, away from the elements, ponder over the weekend box office report and wonder... why?

Happy President's Day! What better way to honor the legacy of America's bold leaders than to sacrifice our own day off, starting with an historic Monday Morning Box Office?