Bad couple day: Robert Pattinson's Tina Fey lust would be inappropriate, except she started it; there's a conspiracy against the Rihanna-Chris Brown reunion; and John Mayer maybe dumped Jennifer Aniston.

  • John Mayer supposedly broke up with Jennifer Aniston. Again. It was just, you know, time: Aniston had just come back from Europe; Mayer had put in his anti-Brangelina bodyguard duty at the Oscars; and if super-mature people like Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel can't make a dating sequel work, can anyone? (The "He's Just Not Into Her" headlines will never cease, btw.) [E!]
  • First Tina Fey called Robert Pattinson a "sexy devil," now Pattson says Fey "is, like, the sexiest woman." [The Improper via Gatecrasher]
  • Chris Brown is really mad at his management and PR team for not letting him apologize to Rihanna sooner and is about to cut them loose. Which is saying something, since the singer is normally known for keeping his anger in check. [P6]
  • Rihanna, meanwhile, is under business pressure not to take Brown back. [Ibid, bottom]
  • Dear National Enquirer, I am still alive and the treatments are actually going pretty well, except it kind of sucks I had to spend the better part of Wednesday telling the rest of the press I am not staring into the the eyes of "THE END." Yours, Patrick Swayze. [People]
  • Conservative pundit Jonah Goldberg does not appreciate Bill Maher stealing his genius George W. Bush putdowns. "Spending money like a pimp" is HIS and Goldberg will be damned if he'll have her cavorting with libtard pundits without his permission. [P6]
  • Nickelodeon now claims Chris Brown removed himself from the Kids Choice Awards. Whatever. Like he'd let go of that brass ring voluntarily. [Scoop]