Magazines for teen girls are dying and magazines in general are dying and it's all very scary but Teen Vogue is NOT going to allow that to happen to them, do you hear me? They are NOT. Too many young women depend on them for fashion tips. And if Teen Vogue has to open up a shop in a mall in New motherfucking Jersey and brainwash young impressionable Jersey girls into becoming vapid monsters of conspicuous consumption in order to stay relevant, well, that's just what Teen Vogue is going to do. Bitch.

The magazine is opening a store, called the Teen Vogue Haute Spot, in the Mall at Short Hills in New Jersey. But the magazine does not intend to sell merchandise. Instead, the store will be a place for girls to relax, try on clothes and drink smoothies — all while marketers woo them.

Bring your daughter in to charge her iPod and enjoy snacks and relax and be attended by stylists and try on makeup and perfume and clothes and then be escorted to the stores in the mall where she can buy those very items, thereby proving that she supports the media and journalism and free speech in America, Q.E.D. Then get her a mall tattoo. Of a screaming bald eagle holding a Teen Vogue. [NYT]