Oscars!! Or, Academy Awards!! It's all anyone's ever going to talk about until the rest of forever!! Or, at least until the end of today. Are you a weird nerd who didn't watch and doesn't get the joke when someone runs around the room shrieking "Gary Busey attack!!!" ? Do you not know that European people are slowly taking over this country by way of our most precious resource, beautiful awards? Well get with it! This is majorly important stuff here. After the jump, find our extremely useful list of bullet points.

  • As mentioned before, Gary Busey attacked a crowd of people. Famous people.
  • Marion Cotillard, some French lady, won the best actress award that some British lady was supposed to win.
  • Best Supporting Actress winner (for Michael Clayton) Tilda Swinton made a funny joke about George Clooney always wearing the bat costume with the nipples and sleeping upside down.
  • Scott Rudin, über-producer and sodomite, publicly thanked his "honey," New York theatre publicity guy John Barlow. But because this kind of thing is really gross and a strange anomaly in the performing arts, there was no reaction shot, and supposedly the bit, at one point, was taken out of the ceremony's official transcript.
  • Those crazy kids from that little movie about magical, musical hobos Once won the most important award of the evening, Best Original Song. Host Jon Stewart graciously saved the day, too.
  • Actress Keri Russell looked stunning, despite what some may say.
  • Dead actor Brad Renfro was not included in the show's In Memoriam segment. That guy who used to build the sets and that lady who washed all the outfits who also both died this year could not be reached for comment on their egregious slights.
  • That annoying girl from that annoying movie won a screenplay award and was, as expected, annoying. (Again, despite what some may say.)
  • Embattled US soldiers, stationed in lands faraway, were given a mission of the utmost importance:
  • Oh, and there were lots of montages:

(Thanks for the idea, Post.)