If only all guests of The View carried on with the candor of a Damon Wayans, whose folksy take on such hot-button topics as Don Imus's return to radio ("When he called them 'nappy-headed hos,' I went, 'Wow. He's right!'"), and the lack of available women possessing the basic, barefoot culinary skills he demands in a partner, energized the typically moribund proceedings.

So much so, in fact, that Barbara Walters—who convincingly feigned shock for the cameras while secretly grinding her jaws in orgiastic pleasure over the ratings that almost certainly trail such controversial pronouncements—pulled the actor aside during the commercial break to offer him a permanent place on the couch, where he can feel free to weigh in on whatever happens to be on his mind, such as "you know, that Wolfman the Bounty Hunter, or why a white woman might make a more subservient lover."