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If you didn't thumb through today's Variety, you missed a chance to share in the trade paper's rousing salute to Two and a Half Men's 100th episode (nothing says, "Fuck you, disapproving TV critics tragically out of touch with America's lowbrow sitcom tastes!" like hitting triple digits), an issue featuring enough congratulatory advertising to fund Charlie Sheen's cheerleader-themed Real Doll hobby well into the next century.

To honor Sheen's contribution to the show's continuing success, Var has compiled an impressive chart of his most notable on-screen conquests, a list that includes ex-wife Denise Richards in one of her rare employed moments, Jenna Elfman bravely playing against type as a "crazy chick," and a transgendered Chris O'Donnell in his most sexually complicated role since Batman & Robin.