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The National Enquirer is busy flacking a big Star Jones story the supermarket tab is breaking today, and we admit we're intrigued. But we're also sort of at a loss: Should we be joking about the fact a secret breast-lift procedure nearly killed her? Or that her husband, that not at all gay Al Reynolds, couldn't be at her side because he was in another hospital, across the country, after falling at the gym?

Guess we'll have to go with both.

Star Jones Cheats Death as She Undergoes Plastic Surgery [National Enquier]