Ever since last week’s National Enquirer story, people have been buzzing about the fact that multiple women have (allegedly) done sex with Ted Cruz—an outrageous and upsetting claim. But no one’s more upset than DePaul student Samantha Rivera. Samantha’s had to spend the past week insisting to the world that, no, she did not have sex with Ted Cruz.
It’s easy to dismiss today’s National Enquirer story about the alleged secret, highly active extramarital sex life of Ted Cruz, because, hey, it’s just some crappy tabloid that makes up all of its stories, right? And it’s true: They’ve printed a lot of fantasy and nonsense. But on some stories—including some huge ones—the Enquirer has been very right.
World Wrestling Entertainment, Inc. has cut ties with the professional wrestler Hulk Hogan, reportedly due to sealed transcripts quoted by the National Enquirer and Radar on Friday morning in which Hogan (real name: Terry Bollea) refers to black people as “fucking niggers” and admits that “I am a racist, to a point.”
Though the multiple rape allegations against Bill Cosby only truly picked up steam this year, they've been around for a long time. In 2005, the National Enquirer planned to publish an investigation into the claims, but Cosby's lawyers threatened a lawsuit. The tabloid published a puff-piece interview with Cosby instead.
The Times tells the gripping and unreal tale of David Bar Katz, who found Philip Seymour Hoffman's body, was quoted in the National Enquirer as the actor's lover and drug buddy, and will now start a playwrights' foundation with quick settlement money after the tabloid realized its source was an impostor.
O.J. Simpson, the 66-year-old diabetic serving a 33-year sentence for armed robbery in Nevada, has apparently been caught stealing cookies from the prison cafeteria. According to sources with The National Enquirer, prison guards recently noticed Simpson hiding something under his “prison clothes” as he walked back to his cell after lunch.
Despite vehement denials from Macaulay Culkin's rep that the former child star is addicted to heroin, the National Enquirer, which first reported on the story, is sticking to its guns — and upping the ante.
Eight new gay groping claims, two scrotum assaults, and one anus attack later, John Travolta's masseur-gate is in full swing—not that you'd know if you only got your news from The New York Times, which has yet to file a report on the megawatt star accused of manhandling nearly enough service industry employees to field a baseball team.
In a hard-hitting exposé of Michele Bachmann's high school cheer squad, the always politically relevant National Enquirer reveals that, if America were a cheerocracy, she would never be president:
I finally pried last week's copy of the National Enquirer from Maureen O'Connor's cold dead hands and found this funny article that says Bravo honcho and America's gayest homosexual Andy Cohen wants to get gay married to Anderson Cooper, America's least eligible gay bachelor. Oh, sweet love!
So, now that Anthony Weiner tweeted a picture of his dick, it's open season on all embarrassing pictures of Anthony Weiner, from any point in his life.
Scandalous news comes today that Johnny Depp, world-renowned Hat Person of the Year, has too many hats. It seems the National Enquirer (so here's your grain of salt) is reporting that Depp's long-time lover Vanessa Paradis has ordered him to get rid of some of the many, many hats he owns. There are too many hats!
