Short Ends: Jessica Alba Makes A Fine Secretary
· The Laugh Factory is auctioning off ten minutes of stage time and donating the entire winning bid to the American Red Cross. And this isn't any old stage time, either, it's an opening slot for Jon Lovitz. Yes, you may bomb, but you might also wind up sleeping with the Pathological Liar—for charity!
· British Esquire pretends to care what Jessica Alba thinks about film as an excuse to get her to tart around in some skimpy movie-inspired outfits. Nicely played.
· Don't be mislead by the spine, title page, or cover of the erotic novel Vamp—porn star Savannah Samson did not actually write it. But don't worry, that doesn't mean she won't eventually write her own novel and address all of the loose ends of Vamp.
· Coming soon from Apple: the iPod Stapler, iPod Insulin Injector, and the iPod Nuclear Coolant Flow Regulator. It's just like Steve Jobs to release a bunch of new toys right after you dropped $400 bucks on the one that plays Desperate Housewives.