After three teenage girls left dog poop and antisemitic syrup graffiti in front of the home of a classmate whose grandparents are holocaust survivors, actor/comedian/critic Jon Lovitz sprung into action.

I think we can all agree that this week's Saturday Night Live was pleasing to both "SNL purists" and those who love the show in its current incarnation.

Possibly Jon Lovitz's most memorable character, Jay Sherman AKA The Critic is a potbellied movie reviewer that can never seem to catch a break. In this episode his life seems to strangely parallel the plot of Stephen King's Misery.

Today at Gawker.TV, Ugly Betty learns about blogging, Martha asks twins whether they switch wives in the sack, Superbowl commercials, John Oliver proposes new rules for elderly congress members, and Fox anchors watch a buoy float down the Hudson.

Josh Hartnett turns 31 today. Robin Williams is turning 58. Doonesbury creator Garry Trudeau turns 61 today. Defense attorney Ben Brafman is turning 61, too. Yankees star CC Sabathia is turning 29. Cat Stevens is 61. Comedian Jon Lovitz turns 52. Architect David Rockwell is 53. Music mogul Martin Bandier turns 68. Former PaineWebber CEO and now investor Don Marron is turning 75. Democratic lobbyist Bill Lynch is 68. Attorney Ken Starr is 63. Former U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno is turning 71. Actor Justin Bartha is 31. And model/actress Ali Landry turns 36 today.

TMZ.com's Starcatcher team, the internet's leading documentarians of the weave-scalping, paparazzi-hospitalizing atrocities being committed each night outside of Hollywood's most exclusive safe-harbors for violent insurgents, found themselves caught up in the brutality they so faithfully capture on video each night when the crew tragically wandered within pummeling range of an agitated C-lister. An excerpt from their report on a run-in with CSI star Gary Dourdan follows:

Earlier today, we noted Page Six's item on how Laugh Factory regular Jon Lovitz, Hollywood's unlikliest comedy vigilante, exacted vengeance upon renegade exhibitionist Andy Dick for placing Lovitz under a highly inappropriate "Phil Hartman death-hex." Shortly after the story circulated, Lovitz appeared on SNL buddy Dennis Miller's radio show to explain the events that precipitated this now-famous beatdown; while most of the details were reported by Page Six, there's nothing like hearing the man himself marvel at the discovery of his previously untapped powers of destruction:

It seemed inevitable that Andy Dick, notorious crosser of personal boundaries, public stroker of real-estate heiresses, and lusty biter of cocaine-deficient reporters, would eventually catch a beat-down as those weary of his antics were pushed over the edge by one too many unbidden tongue-baths. According to Page Six, that reprisal finally came last week at the Laugh Factory from the unlikiest of sources: Jon Lovitz, no one's idea of a head-smashing enforcer, who was none too pleased at being on the receiving end of a Dick death-hex:

In easily the strangest TV news of the day, NBC signs up Jon Lovitz to star in the unscripted comedy Bad
Judge, in which he will play a "heightened" version of himself (read: encouraged to constantly lapse into his old SNL characters) who hands out unfair—but hilarious!—decisions in real legal cases. [Variety]
NBC's premiere of its new block of Must See Shows With Numbers in Their Titles TV fails to excite audiences, as 30 Rock and 20 Good Years finish third in their respective timeslots. It's starting to look like viewers won't support even a single behind-the-scenes-of-a-sketch-comedy-show series, much less one each from the sitcom and drama genres. [THR]
Noted North Korean cin aste Kim Jong Il's testing of his new nuclear toys isn't stopping stop film executives and journalists from attending the Pusan Film Fest in South Korea, Asia's most important film event. [Variety]
· In other TV-shows-with-numbers-in-the-title news, CBS will give recently cancelled Smith's Tuesday night timeslot to 3 Lbs., its hunky-neurosurgeon drama starring noted boob-tube albatross Mark Feuerstein. His involvement requires us to predict that it will be off the air after no more than five episodes. [THR]
Fox TV Studios nabs the rights to make The Devil Wears Prada for TV, which they'll develop for their broadcast mothership as a single-camera comedy they envision as "like Ugly Betty, but much better looking." [Variety]

· The Laugh Factory is auctioning off ten minutes of stage time and donating the entire winning bid to the American Red Cross. And this isn't any old stage time, either, it's an opening slot for Jon Lovitz. Yes, you may bomb, but you might also wind up sleeping with the Pathological Liar—for charity!
· British Esquire pretends to care what Jessica Alba thinks about film as an excuse to get her to tart around in some skimpy movie-inspired outfits. Nicely played.
· Don't be mislead by the spine, title page, or cover of the erotic novel Vamp—porn star Savannah Samson did not actually write it. But don't worry, that doesn't mean she won't eventually write her own novel and address all of the loose ends of Vamp.
· Coming soon from Apple: the iPod Stapler, iPod Insulin Injector, and the iPod Nuclear Coolant Flow Regulator. It's just like Steve Jobs to release a bunch of new toys right after you dropped $400 bucks on the one that plays Desperate Housewives.