This image was lost some time after publication.

• Dennis Rodman reveals that his ex-wife Carmen Electra has a tendency to insert penne pasta in her lovers' asses. Happy Columbus Day! [Lowdown]
• Long Island's favorite alcoholic, singer Billy Joel, was once so depressed that he drank furniture polish. Sadly, he didn't drink quite enough and instead went on to destroy several innocent trees with his car. [Page Six]
• Having sacked supermodel Kate Moss after she graced the cover of the Daily Mirror with a rolled 5-note shoved up her nose, Burberry considers actress Rachel Weisz as the face of their next campaign. [R&M (3rd item)]
• Brad Pitt has bought some sort of batcave in the wilds of Canada, where he's instructed bodyguards to stalk any paparazzi following around the actor. [Page Six]
• Former gossipista Deborah Schoeneman's forthcoming roman chef features a character called Tim, "An already jaded, near-alcoholic gossip writer with no boundaries." Wonder who that could be based on. No, really, we do wonder: Find us a gossip boy who doesn't fit that description. [Gatecrasher]