The French press lit up in a blaze of fiery glory on Monday with rumors that the President of the United States, Beyoncé, is having an affair with the "President" of the United States, Barack Obama.

The story was picked up by France's second largest newspaper, le Figaro, and appears to have originated in a radio interview with a French paparazzo named Pascal Rostain. Obviously this story is completely insane—pretty much the only things Obama and Beyoncé have in common are that they are black, American, and love Beyoncé—but it's Monday-Funday here and in France, so let's talk about it anyway.

Here's a translation of Rostain's remarks:

"You know, at this time, the United States, there is something big that is happening. Anyway, it'll go out tomorrow in the Washington Post—we cannot say that it is the gutter press—[a story about] an alleged affair between President Barack Obama and Beyoncé. I can assure you that the world will be talking about it."

The rumor comes just as the French President François Hollande is traveling to the United States to visit the White House. On Monday, he and President Obama published a joint op-ed in the Post about how the United States and France are crazy in love with each other ("Obama and Hollande: France and the U.S. enjoy a renewed alliance"), so it sounds like, if anyone is having an affair, it's those two. (Beyoncé is way too busy. )

Hollande is at the center of a romantic controversy himself, having recently split with his partner of several years, the journalist Valérie Trierweiler, in the wake of rumors he was having an affair with a French actress. (The White House had to destroy and reprint hundreds of embossed invitations to a state dinner to be held this week, because the first batch included the name of Hollande's now ex-girlfriend.)

Rostain is a personal friend of Trierweiler. While le Figaro calls him a "trickster" with a "taste for provocation," it also reports "there is always some truth in what he says."

We've reached out to the Washington Post for comment and will update with their personal opinion about whether or not the popular singer Beyoncé and is having an affair with the President of the United States.

Update: A spokesperson for the Post told Poynter that the rumor the paper is working on such a story is "definitely not true." The lengths people will go to to keep Beyoncé's secrets are staggering. If you have a tip about Barack Obama or Beyoncé having an affair with anyone—including but not limited to each other—please shoot us an email.

(Poor Michelle.)

[Image via AP]