The Year in Sad Jeb
It hasn’t been an easy year to be Jeb Bush. He peaked in July, lost his groove, recovered his groove, realized he’d borrowed his new groove from a child predator, quietly phased it out again, and pet a stuffed moose. Fortunately, social media was there to chronicle every godforsaken gloomy minute.
So just how bad was Jeb’s 2015? We created this handy color-coded chart (ranging from vaguely off-white to deep beige) to let you know how worried you should be about Jeb’s well-being as we journey through his downward spiral.
It’s a dark tale, a cautionary tale. It’s Jeb’s tale—and there’s no end in sight.
June 15. Threat Level: LOW
Polls say: First place with 10.8 percent.
Jeb says: I can’t wait to make Dad proud.
Ready for a great day. pic.twitter.com/AWm5bvtkgB
— Jeb Bush (@JebBush) June 15, 2015
July 16. Threat Level: LOW
Polls say: First place with 15.5 percent.
Jeb says: Hello, youths.
September 13. Threat Level: GUARDED
Polls say: Third place with 8.3 percent.
Jeb says: Reagan reagan. Reagan? Reagan.
.@JebBush is a @RowdyGentleman. pic.twitter.com/iL7Ira9S2q
— Total Frat Move (@totalfratmove) September 14, 2015
September 17. Threat Level: GUARDED
Polls say: Third place with 7.8 percent.
Jeb says: Keepin’ it cozy.
Jeb Bush takes the stage at an afternoon rally in Summerlin, Nevada pic.twitter.com/GZV8ZfrwjB
— Ashley Killough (@KilloughCNN) September 17, 2015
September 22. Threat Level: ELEVATED
Polls say: Fourth place with 7.7 percent.
Jeb says: There’s probably enough chairs.
Coming soon: Jeb Bush talkin regulatory reform on a farm in Gladbrook, Iowa. pic.twitter.com/sgcPDWp6Vl
— Jason Noble (@jasonnobleDMR) September 22, 2015
October 25. Threat Level: ELEVATED
Polls say: Fifth place with 7.2 percent.
Jeb says: I’m Jeb.
"All in for @JebBush" applies to suit jackets as well pic.twitter.com/8zyNrajsPL
— Alan He (@alanhe) October 26, 2015
October 30. Threat Level: ELEVATED
Polls say: Fifth place with 6.5 percent.
Jeb says: Fuck Marco.
1st time @JebBush has been in Florida for a public campaign event since Sept. Not a huge homecoming crowd here pic.twitter.com/um4nseGrwZ
— Candace Smith (@CandaceSmith_) October 30, 2015
November 6. Threat Level: ELEVATED
Polls say: Fifth place with 5.3 percent.
Jeb says: Friends are forever.
November 9. Threat Level: GUARDED
Polls say: Fifth place with 6.0 percent.
Jeb says: I’m fine!!!!
To-do list from the Iowa field office: pic.twitter.com/xViJLYvSMe
— Jeb Bush (@JebBush) November 9, 2015
November 19. Threat Level: HIGH
Polls say: Fifth place with 5.4 percent.
Jeb says: Help.
Best place for an interview with @Newsmax_media? Dunkin drive-thru in Concord. Filing at NH state house next! pic.twitter.com/6bXOFoT7J5
— Jeb Bush (@JebBush) November 19, 2015
1st day on #FITN ballot: while I grabbed coffee at @DunkinDonuts @JebBush was working the drive-thru for votes. pic.twitter.com/PhnpQY5KRr
— Rich Killion (@nhkillion) November 19, 2015
Dunkin drive thru #2. Caught up with Victoria and Jacqueline about school. pic.twitter.com/QSHmaaHsVr
— Jeb Bush (@JebBush) November 19, 2015
Jeb lost in NYC Local Story is the best lol today pic.twitter.com/O0uqalngqB
— Sofia Gross (@sofiasnaps) November 20, 2015
November 24. Threat Level: GUARDED
Polls say: Fifth place at 5.5 percent.
Jeb says: I, too, enjoy popular culture and leisure.
Confirmed: The Peachoid is still standing. Thanks for saving it, @Frank_Underwood. pic.twitter.com/fKsAbr0s7B
— Jeb Bush (@JebBush) November 24, 2015
November 30. Threat Level: HIGH
Polls say: Fifth place at 5.3 percent.
Jeb says: I’m not fine.
Jeb Bush orders a white wine ahead of speech to Clinton County GOP in Goose Lake, Iowa. pic.twitter.com/LmNctYwyOE
— Jason Noble (@jasonnobleDMR) December 1, 2015
December 22. Threat Level: HIGH
Polls say: Fifth place at 4.5 percent.
Jeb says: Mom, I know you’re home.
RT @sallybradshaw: A candidate, his phone, & some Granite State friends @JebBush working the phone in New Hampshire pic.twitter.com/1J2jfnZJQe
— Team Jeb! (@TeamJebBush) December 22, 2015
Jeb also says: Mom?
Stopped by the @ConwayDailySun and officially completed the candidate fridge signing tradition! pic.twitter.com/SardL1OMol
— Jeb Bush (@JebBush) December 22, 2015
December 23. Threat Level: SEVERE
Polls say: Fifth place at 4.4 perecent.
Jeb says: I didn’t want to win anyway.
