New York City's 311 hotline received over 260,000 complaints about noise in 2013 proving what Big Apple residents already know: the city is annoyingly loud. Health officials say there are plenty places in the city where decibels reach up to 85 and in some places noise levels exceed 100 decibels.

Hello. Let's get right to the point: someday you will die. Maybe you'll sacrifice yourself to save a bus full of nuns, or die bringing food to starving children in a war zone, or pass away at the age of 90, surrounded by an enormous, loving family and all your Nobel prizes. More likely, though, you will get unceremoniously creamed by a fire truck because you couldn't hear its sirens over "How Will I Know":

Public transportation in New York is about to get even better and demonstrably worse all at the same time. While the TLC is cutting down on cabbies honking their horns, the MTA is ditching the trash cans in subway stops. Man, this is going to get messy.

As college kids gather in New York for the Occupy Wall Street protests, a group of students in southeastern Florida have a different cause they're fighting for: They're pushing for a ban on noisy leaf blowers.

Scientists, whose life is basically spent telling people what they already knew, have confirmed: Whining is the most annoying sound, ever.

Tired of high-pitched sirens disturbing the quiet peace of the quaint, idyllic burg in which you chose to make your home—New York, NY? Good news. The NYPD is switching from its old screeching siren to a new brand of siren called The Rumbler. It's better because it rumbles!

A study finds the noise in 98 percent of Manhattan's public spaces is above healthy levels. You may think you're used to the sirens, jackhammers, and trucks, but the racket raises blood pressure. Great, we'll soon be deaf and dead!

Breast taxes! Cortisone effects! Toxic prisons! Glaxo whistleblowers! Manhattan noise! Personalized therapies! HuffPo quackery! And the Army vs. suicide! It's your Wednesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with pharmacologically-inspired positive mental attitude!

Katherine Heigl was having a hot tub party with her husband, and they made so much noise, her neighbor called the cops. Is this lady annoying, or what? So! Very! Annoying! Sorry Kathy, there is no reversing this "image problem."

The hot new dance track: "Blow That Vuvuzela." Everybody do the [shockingly annoying sound]!

The Large Hadron Collider is an enormous, $8 billion machine built to detect the existence of certain hypothesized-to-exist particles. But detect how? What if, instead of looking for particles, scientists could listen for them? This is what they'd sound like.

Australian fitness class participants: are they listening to pop music authentic enough to get them pumped? Alas, the answer may be "no." Because in Australia—whether it's cardio-kickboxing, spinning, or some other bullshit—it's set to Britney cover tunes.

Those really annoying trucks that drive around, clog up city streets, and serve no other purpose than to expose you to some dumb ad? They're getting an upgrade. Taking a cue from those horrific RVs that Lubavitch Jews use to proselytize with, the "mobile billboards" will soon blast music as they drive around town.

The generation that brought America sex, drugs, and Rock 'n Roll has had just about enough of you kids and your disgusting dance moves, weed smoking, and loud noise.