Khloe Kardashian wore a transparent top and no bra on Fox & Friends today, and sat there chatting with the hosts for two minutes straight, with her right nipple exposed. Did the censors not notice it? Do nipples not count when they're behind sheer fabric?
Charlie Sheen was just like, "Screw it, I'm moving in with my hooker." Lindsay Lohan is no longer marketable. Britney Spears' nipples cause consternation. Jon Gosselin would like to sell you a car. Saturday's Gossip roundup is learning the ropes.
Hey, you know what will be nice? Whoever the hell Barack Obama appoints to the FCC can't possibly be as incredibly asinine as the current crew. Back in 2004, popular singer Janet Jackson's nipple destroyed America's innocence forever. The FCC fined CBS stations $550,000 for allowing the nipple to terrorize the children. The Third Circuit Court of Appeals threw out the fine, because the FCC has for decades not punished fleeting, incidental nudity on television, and also because come on get over it. But the FCC is now appealing to the Supreme Court, which may find in their favor! The Supreme Court is already dealing with the FCC's fight with Fox. Fox's crime? Allowing Bono to swear on television. We want Bono off our televisions as much as the next guy, but the new FCC policy of allowing incidental, fleeting profanities in some instances, like news programs or in Supreme Court oral arguments regarding profanity, while handing fines out for random cursing during live award shows is maybe a bit arbitrary and capricious, right? Still, the FCC is liking its chances in the Fox case, and so they are going to fight the nipple thing to the bitter end. Because the founding fathers always intended us to be a nation of prudish vulgarians. (It's in the Constitution's special Unrated edition.)
Cabana Cachaca is a Brazilian brand of liquor. Nobody knows or cares how it tastes, because everyone is too busy talking about its remarkable skill at barely cutting nipples out of its advertising photos. Or sometimes leaving nipples in! It's an incredibly trite marketing strategy, but it succeeds. Go figure. Except in Chicago, where one billboard has been deemed Too Hot For The Public: Before:
Posters for Cabana Cachaca, a brand of Brazilian rum that is determined to bully its way into the market through sheer advertising mass, are plastered all over Manhattan. But they're cropped so that the model is just barely free of nipple (a body part banned in the USA). But the posters direct you to the company's website where-in a keen display of digital marketing strategy-you can see the model's nipple (Copyranter made sure of it). I think they've hit on a solid online agenda here. Click through for the (NSFW) uncensored version of the ad. None of this contributes to high quality rum, as if you cared:
First, the airbrushes came for Heidi Klum's nipples. Now, in what one can only hope does not signal a trend that will leave Americans sexless once and for all, the airbrushes have struck at an even more vulnerable target: the male wrestlers of Wrestlemania. The city of Orlando seems to feel that John Cena and Floyd Mayweather's nipples are not fit for the public gaze. We pray this abomination is not allowed to stand. Below, close up shots of the monstrous androgynous fighters' chests.
Supermodel Heidi Klum signed on to be the face (and ass) of Jordache last year. They needed the help; Jordache was really cool when I was in elementary school, and since then, not so much. The company has been pushing Klum's ads everywhere—today, there's a half page spot in the Post adjacent to Page Six. Which makes it all the more pressing to answer the question: What happened to her nipples? Jordache has chosen to offset the fact that Klum is doing topless ads by simply making her nipples disappear, which is eerie, bad for children's educations, and, frankly, un-American. Sports Illustrated does some photo magic for its swimsuit issue, but this is more blatant and disturbing. The offending ads are after the jump; please advise your kids that this is not natural.
Dear Internet: If you really wanted to see photos of screenwriter Diablo Cody's nipples, you could've just read her old City Pages blog, where all of them came from. Honestly, people. [Defamer] (Clarification: we're bitching about EGOTASTIC, to whom we did not wish to deliver more traffic, not our friends at Defamer. Also the internet as a whole.)
The second-to-top post on full-time celebrity nudity site Egotastic concerns actress Mary Louise Parker and her bareass publicity campaign for the show "Weeds." The post above it? An array of Claire Danes nip slip pictures. That bitch won't even let poor Mary Louise keep the skinflash demographic to herself. Why are you so petty and vindictive, Claire Danes? [Links NSFW if your work doesn't approve of asses or nipples.]
