This thing is never, never going to leave your nightmares.

Let’s be clear about something, PETA: if you get turned down by that piece of shit elephant up there, you are not going to prom. Not a chance.

An urban legend joined forces with a recurring nightmare and the worst case scenario to permanently traumatize a young mother who found dozens of the world's most venomous spiders crawling all over the banana she was preparing to consume.

Residents of Dallas and neighboring Metroplex cities awoke this morning to find the air filled with countless sticky, silky white strands of an unknown nature. "Relax," says CBS DFW, "it’s just spiders."

The greatest week of the entire year kicked off tonight with Ultimate Air Jaws, which studies why sharks breach the surface of the water while hunting seals, with some amazing slow motion shots. Four nightmare-inducing videos inside.

We were going to slap together our own St. Patrick's Day e-card for you, but then we stumbled upon the one above from Rosie O'Donnell's Flickr stream. In it, O'Donnell affects her best impression of Peiste, Ireland's fearsome lough monster, who, unlike the relatively benign Nessie, won't hesitate to take you whole into her powerful jaws, crunching hungrily on your bones in her insatiable quest for warm, nourishing human flesh. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!