• Shove your mouth full of chewing gum and head to the ever-hip Hiro Ballroom to check out Scandinavian pop queen Annie. An early survey of Gays suggests that she may be the heir to Kylie Minogue's throne. [flavorpill]
• It's okay, we know you secretly want to get your tits signed by Washingtonienne author Jessica Cutler. Get to Barnes & Noble tonight and live the dream. [Upcoming]
• What are we talking about? Obviously there's only one thing to do tonight, and it involves a little lady named Pat Benatar. Lucky for you, current fashion trends perfectly compliment with Benatar's style. [BB King]

Have you made plans for July 20 yet? If you were considering participating in the Central Park Run to Save CBGBs (sponsored by Nike, oddly enough), you might want to save your energy for something more effective:

The New Yorker's Ben McGrath checks in with cabdrivers for this week's issue, and he reports that cabbies would prefer that you not:

• Multi-talented, multi-named rapper/producer Madlib headlines the Stones Throw Records Tour at Irving Plaza tonight. Time to cast aside your self-imposed ban on marijuana, stoner. [flavorpill]
• Ted Leo and his merry band of Pharmacists make their way to indie enclave Maxwell's in Hoboken tonight. Stop complaining about the distance—it's just as far as Brooklyn. [Upcoming]
• We're not quite sure how the new Michael Ian Black comedy vehicle Stella will fare in its censored form on Comedy Central, but you can see for yourself tonight at Anthology Film Archives, which hosts a screening as well as a Q and A with the cast. [Stella]

• "Rize," the documentary on LA street-dancing (yes, you read about it just last week in the New York Times magazine!) from fashion photographer David LaChapelle, opens today. [flavorpill]
• Sometimes we really have to get the synapses firing on all cylinders to come up with materiel. Sometimes the jokes write themselves. Alan Cumming appearing at Sephora in Union Square to sign bottles of "Cumming," his new fragrance, is clearly an example of the latter. [WUNYC]
Saturday:
• Yes, Fathers Day came and went, but you probably forgot and didn't get your old man anything. Make up for it with a homemade gift (dads love that shit) from the first annual Renegade Craft Fair in Brooklyn. [Renegade]
• The New Pornographers, Stars, and the Sadies celebrate Mounties, shitty weather, and a massive national inferiority complex at the Prospect Park Canada Day celebration. [flavorpill]
Sunday:
• 250,000 rambunctious gays wind their way down 5th Avenue for the 36th Annual Gay PRIDE March. Like you dare to miss it.

• Riot grrrls and the boys (and girls) who love them head on over to Roseland tonight for the Sleater Kinney show. [flavorpill]
• Half-straight, half-gay Danish duo Junior Senior make you dance and sing your little socks off as only a half-straight, half-gay Danish duo can. Mercury Lounge, 8:30. [ML]
• Pay tribute to the New York comics who will hopefully make you laugh for many, many years to come at the Upright Citizens Brigade's Emerging Comics of New York Awards. You likely haven't heard of any of them, but that's probably the point of the "emerging" thing. [UCB]

• Jason Loewenstein of Sub-Pop's Sebadoh, "hip-hop" (quotes our own) trio Northern State, AC/DC worshippers Supagroup, house DJ Tommie Sunshine, and a host of others rally around the poor staffers of the Village Voice for the paper's Union Strike Fund Benefit show at Rothko. Support them, but remember: We work for chicken shit and fake prescription drugs but you don't see us striking. [Rothko]
• Francois K helps techno party Robots celebrate its one-year anniversary at Canal Room. Do it to it, Earthlings. [flavorpill]
• It's the Attack of the Killer Mid-1990's Bands! Oasis play Madison Square Garden; Collective Soul play Irving Plaza. You likely attend neither. [Upcoming x2]

· James Frey reads from his new book, "My Friend Leonard," at the Chelsea Barnes and Noble. We love post-rehabbed authors!
· Flavorpill contributor Derek Beres launches his new book, "Global Beat Fushion: The History of the Future of Music," with the help of a Sufi charmer, a Ghazal artist, and an R&B gospel man. Sounds about right. [flavorpill]
· Overpriced wares and underfed girls abound at Gen Art's Shopping Spree. Make sure to sharpen your fingernails and put razorblades in your hair before you go. [GenArt]

· Will Smith's better half, aka DJ Jazzy Jeff, headlines the Native New Yorker party tonight at APT. Alcoholic bonus: free Red Bull and vodka till 10pm. [flavorpill
· Because Movable Hype 1.0 and 2.0 weren't enough, Gothamist brings version 3.0 of their rock showcase to the Knitting Factory tonight. Those bloggers and their crazy technology jokes just don't quit. [FK]
· In the left corner, wearing the black trunks at Summer Stage, we have Modest Mouse. In the right, in the red trunks at Irving Plaza, we have the Killers. Let the battle of tweenybopper faves begin! [Upcoming x2]

Friday:
· For the adventurous with money to burn, Modest Mouse is (ironically?) playing Atlantic City's Borgata Casino tonight. Why not liquidate your mutual fund and make a weekend of it? [CityAtlantic]
· NYC's finest photobloggers embrace human contact tonight at the Apple Store. We're guessing the afterparty will be somwhere on the LES. [Upcoming]
Saturday:
· Little Brother, Medina Green, Brand Nubian and more convene in Billyburg for the Brooklyn Hip-Hop fest. Free tickets, solid beats, and the Brooklyn Brewery — yeah, you're so going, just reserve your tix before they run out. [flavorpill]
· We don't know what else to say other than the New York City Gay Men's Chorus: Season of Pride show at Skirball will be worth every damn penny. [Paper]
Sunday:
· Happy Father's Day! If you're not too busy thanking your dad for getting you out of that nasty credit card situation back in 1997, Chicago house legend Derrick Carter takes on NYC's Miss Honey at Cielo. [flavorpill]

Ready for another peek into our Time Out time capsule? Today, let's see what Time Out's 1990 New York City guidebook had to say about life in the big city then, when you could get from Times Square to the LES for "$4 to $5," the "latest dance craze" was "vogueing," and the Times (at 40 daily) was cheaper than the Village Voice, then a buck:

· Go ahead and admit it: You SO want to go to the 92nd Street Y to see VF contributing editor Christopher Hitchens speak about Thomas Jefferson, if only just to see if he's sober. [92Y]
· Even if you couldn't understand the first five words of James Joyce's Ulysses, you've at least heard of the book. So you're more than prepared to enjoy tonight's Bloomsday on Broadway XXIV, a musical interpretation of Joyce's 6,000-lb tome. Daily Showster Stephen Colbert stars. [flavorpill]
· Music fans just can't catch a break from Webster Hall. Iron & Wine plays a sold-out show there tonight, which means you can easily buy some tickets out front — probably off of some aging hipster who can't bear the thought of going inside. [Upcoming]

· "Hipster glamour and highbrow esoterica" (the Voice's words, not ours) lit mag Open City presents an evening of readings and music with some dudes and some singers. Don't forget to bring your air of condescending disapproval. [flavorpill]
· It's your last chance to see the stuff no one else wanted to see in the first place: The Rejection Show has its season finale today. [Upcoming]
· Everyone's favorite lewdly literary event, the Happy Ending reading series, turns its attention to poetry tonight, as National Book Critics Circle Award Winner David Orr curates a reading by Paul Moldoon, James Richardson, and Susan Wheeler. [AmandaStern]

· Rockefeller Center hosts its second year of Drive-In Movies, featuring IFP-approved delights on an outdoor screen. Tonight's show is Rize, Dave LaChappelle's documentary about the hip-hop clown-dancing krump movement. Totally serious. [flavorpill]
·Everyone's favorite freak John Waters signs DVD copies of A Dirty Shame at the Virgin Megastore. How very 21st century. We feel mod just telling you about it! [TONY]
· Alas, both tonight and tomorrow's Bloc Party shows are sold out. Those looking to maintain their smug hipster quotient are forced to suffer the great indignity of jumping on the (gasp) LIRR and heading to Jones Beach tonight for the Pixies/Interpol/LCD Soundsystem show. Cowbells optional. [Bowery]

The new Zagat nightlife guide is out, and the Post reports the earth-shattering news that downtown Manhattan has the best nightlife in the five boroughs. Who knew?

· Do you hate all the annoying skits on rap CDs? Blame Prince Paul for starting the trend on De La Soul's 3 Feet High and Rising. Show him your lack of appreciation as takes the stage with Mr. Len (half of the disbanded Company Flow) at APT tonight. [flavorpill]
· Wes Anderson's The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou kind of sucked, but don't take it out on Seu Jorge. The man who sang all those Bowie songs in Portuguese brings his unique brand of Brazilian samba to (fittingly) S.O.B.'s tonight. [SOBs]
· How many gays and fashionistas can you cram into the Union Square Barnes & Noble? Find out tonight at 7:00pm when the extrodinarily fabulous Siman Doonan dishes on everything from his cooky family to his life as Barney's arbiter of style.

Friday:
· DFA head honcho James Murphy and his LCD Soundsystem stop off at Webster Hall tonight for a night of foot stompin', head noddin, and underage girl ogling. [flavorpill]
· Prefer the quiet, air conditioned confines of a movie theater to the sweaty mess of Webster Hall? Film Forum hosts a James Dean retrospective in honor of the 50th anniversary of his death. Oh, who are you kidding — Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the movie that introduced "kinky African tribal sex" into our lexicon, opens today too. [Film Forum & Fandango]
Saturday:
· The East Village stopped being grimey like 10 years ago, but that hasn't stopped DJ Dinesh and his Goldspot crew from bringing their London underground beats to Tompkins Square Park today (2-6pm) for the free grime showcase "HEAT: Supreme Summer Edition." [flavorpill]
· No chance for a Triple Crown winner this year, but that doesn't mean you can't get drunk and blow all your money betting on a horse you think has a pretty name: The 137th Belmont Stakes race is today. [BS]
Sunday:
Like you ever do anything we suggest. Go back to sleep.

On the list of "Things You Don't Want To Wake Up To In A Monday Morning Email," this has gotta be pretty high up the list. The Internet Sexuality Information Services company has come up with a novel way of telling former sexual partners that you might have given them a venereal disease without, you know, actually having to talk to them. They're called "Tell Them" cards, and all you have to do is pick an ecard, type in an email address and send it off.

· The cast of pop culture zeitgeist "Best Week Ever" decide to eschew VH-1's shitty production values and bring their show live to Caroline's on Broadway for one night only. 8:00pm. [Upcoming]
· The first night of SketchFest NYC at the Upright Citizen s Brigade Theater features several New York troupes, like the Whitest Kids U Know and Fearsome, as well as Killing My Lobster from San Francisco and Hypnagogia! from Seattle who act out dreams. That s pretty weird. [SFNYC]
· "I Pity the Dolls!" is a totally sweet name for a Mr. T memorabilia retrospective consisting of over 150 dolls. Everything is from the collection of Greg Rivera and Mike Essl who have the world s largest collection of Mr. T trinkets. That s sad — we always imagined that Mr. T would have the largest collection. He does in our hearts, anyhow. [flavorpill]

· Arianna Huffington and radio host Amy Goodman appear at Pioneer Bar for the book release party of Start Making Sense, which details how to jumpstart a real, effective progressive political movement. Step #1: don't get a bunch of influential people to write longform, purportedly influential things and call it a blog. [flavorpill]
· There aren't any live seats left at Makor for Brian Wilson's discussion about the plight that was releasing "Smile," but you can still watch it in the "overflow room" with all the other cheap/slow souls. [92Y]
· If you're in the mood for a bloodletting, eye-scratching fight, head over to Hiro for the Coldplay record release party and express yourself. [Upcoming]