Serial employee-assaulter, probable perjurer and popularizer of the phrase "I'm not here for that" Naomi Campbell is a "coach" on and executive producer of Oxygen's new modeling show The Face. Per the series' brazen ads, the reality competition combines the guts of America's Next Top Model with the team-oriented angle of The Voice. Basically, this means that supermodel mentors Campbell, Karolína Kurková and Coco Rocha are creating sororities out young (but not, you know, young enough) aspiring clothes hangers.

Nigel Barker has been fired from his long-standing gig as judge on America's Next Top Model — and he is pissed.

On tonight's episode of Top Model, Ann made us all wonder if maybe she isn't ready to become a supermodel. After all, some people just can't handle the spotlight. Just ask the Bates High senior class. Oh wait, you can't...

The move to New Zealand does not agree with the Vogue honcho because he almost lost the title of being the best thing about America's Next Top Model. Wake up, ALT, a noted fashion photographer is gunning for you!

Vogue's main geigh had more interesting metaphors than ever last night, solidifying his reputation as the greatest thing on America's Next Top Model. Also, a groundbreaking detente and an update on my invitation to take ALT to lunch.

This week's episode was all about faking chemistry, just like Tyra fakes having a soul. When asked to make judge Nigel Barker feel comfortable before a photo shoot, Jessica decided that fondling his bald scalp would be the best approach.

That's right, Lifetime did the unthinkable and showed 10 of the 11 remaining designers collections in Bryant Park today. So, who is going to actually be a real finalist and who is going to win? Let's figure it out.

John Mayer leaving his building ... Sean Penn getting out of an SUV with model Jessica White ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving the gym ... Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen holding hands in Nolita ... Mena Suvari walking until an umbrella ... Calvin Klein and Ross Bleckner eating at Bar Pitti ... Miranda Kerr getting out of an SUV with her puppy ... ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts pushing a stroller in the East Village ... Daniel Craig signing autographs outside his Broadway show ... Mischa Barton leaving Gemma on the Bowery ... Charlize Theron walking with Stuart Townsend ... Justin Timberlake leaving the Jay-Z concert, and signing autographs for fans at the US Open over the weekend ... Nigel Barker walking with his wife and daughter in the West Village ... Alessandra Ambrosio getting out of an SUV ... Matt Dillion at Da Silvano ... photographer Bruce Weber walking on Bleecker Street ... Kelly Rutherford carrying her son near Bryant Park ... Jessica Stam walking in the West Village ... and Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr leaving the Gramercy Park Hotel.

• The inimitable Fug Girls were at Yigal Azrouël today and saw Elettra Rossellini Wiedemann (not sweating in leather pants, enthusiastically posing for a photographer), Miss J Alexander and Nigel Barker (chatting front row), Cory Kennedy (bored, disheveled), Alexis Bryan Morgan (still pregnant), Fabiola Beracasa (front row next to Katie Lee Joel), Nina Garcia (talking to reporters), and Kelly Cutrone (looking better in person than on TV). [The Cut]

Shouty radioman Rush Limbaugh is having trouble with his Mac, he recently announced in an on-air appeal, asking Steve Jobs to please help him fix it. Meanwhile, fashion photog and America's Next Top Model judge Nigel Barker has added to his Renaissance man capabilities: photog, saver of baby seals, and now, rater of laptops for Laptop magazine... including his verdict on the much-vaunted Macbook Air.

Did you know, fashion photog and America's Next Top Model judge Nigel Barker has become a spokesperson against the Canadian Seal Hunt? "He even went up on the ice recently to observe the baby seal nursery," says a press person for the Humane Society. Now that's commitment! But even better? He's judging a LOLseals contest. That's right, LOLseals and Nigel Barker, a match we thought we'd never see in this lifetime... and he's doing all of this while wearing a snowsuit. Click to see some of the entries.

Here's a story! Once upon a time a bad gal-pal told a 16-year-old girl that she knew this rich guy who helped girls become models. (A note from the real world: There are no older men who help girls become models. Except maybe Nigel Barker, fashion photographer and "America's Next Top Model" judge.) And so the girl showed up at this guy's huge house, up at 71st and 5th Avenue. She had brought photos of herself. The guy was wearing a bathrobe! He took her about the house, showing off the chandeliers and the gaudy crystal ball on the spiral staircase, and a statue of a dog and its poop. But oh noes! He also had a massage room!

Good news for ANTM fans who want to get up close and personal with noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker, but don't want to have to attend some pretentious art party or reality show cattlecall: for only $39.99, you can learn all his secrets — in person — at the Learning Annex! We read the class listing with great interest, hoping to learn more about the man, the myth, etc, and we weren't disappointed: