New York Republicans want a US Senate seat, and they would like help buying it from Michael Bloomberg, mayor-for-life and richest man in town. But they have no candidates. So, looks like they're asking Mike's girlfriend to run.

Serving tapas. Tapas! In 2010! That's the news from Page Six this morning. A local restaurateur named Colbi Levy plans to reopen the shuttered Beatrice Inn as an olds-skewing feedbag. Meaning it'll be open until 1 or 2am, not 4.

The NYC Department of Health recently held a contest looking for a new package design for their free NYC-brand condoms. Online voters, the worst kind of voters, cast their ballots and chose the second worse one.

Next week is the special election to fill the former State Senate seat of Hiram Monserrate, who was expelled after slashing his girlfriend's face. Hiram's running. His platform: he's just like Barack Obama, and his opponent is "The Gay Caballero."

New Yorkers really hate David Paterson but, but they really don't want him to resign.

Larry Kudlow has a bunch of friends-of-Roger Stone running a quasi-campaign for Senate on his behalf, but he's not going to enter officially unless he think he has a shot. It doesn't look like he thinks he has a shot.

Speculation as to when or whether David Paterson is going to resign as governor is entirely pointless. He doesn't know himself. He will probably decide to, and then change his mind, three times today. But it probably won't happen today!

David Paterson's chief spokesman, Peter Kauffman, has resigned.

David Paterson is now in trouble for some other unethical thing he did.

The delightful but sadly incredibly corrupt Harlem Congressman Charlie Rangel announced a 9 a.m. press conference. A couple minutes before 9, he went before cameras to announce that he'll "temporarily" stop being the chair of the Ways and Means Committee.

Mort Zuckerman seems to be wavering in his commitment to running for the Senate. According to sources close to him, he a) doesn't want people to start writing about his kids, b) his longtime business partner died and a political campaign could harm his publicly traded company, and c) he doesn't want to give up his associations with various pro-Israel non-profits.

It sounded, this morning, like former imaginary Senate candidate Harold Ford really wished he was actually running for office. But that will pass, and soon he'll be grateful. Because now his life can go back to the way it was.

Despite being biggest thing since Jesus turned the Red Sea into loaves of fish, no one in New York knows much about the Oscars. And they won't fuck Brad Pitt. That's what a shrieking comedian found on the streets, anyway.

Real estate magnate and publisher Mort Zuckerman, the subject of a profile in today's Politico, is meeting with New York Republicans as he prepares himself for a Senate run. What do we know about Citizen Mort?

New York Mayor-for-life Mike Bloomberg's top aide, Deputy Mayor Kevin Sheekey, is leaving City Hall for a much better-paying gig with—try to look surprised—Bloomberg LP. Do you know what this means? Deputy Mayor Howard Wolfson.

Because he wants the Democrats to hold on to the New York Senate seat, Harold Ford is... bashing the incumbent, on national TV, and claiming the seat is in great danger of going to a Republican.

Here's a short film called The Sandpit. An artist named Sam O'Hare took over 35,000 photos over a week last August and strung them together into a day-in-the-life movie, one that appears to be filmed on a miniature set.

David Paterson put Andrew Cuomo in charge of the investigation into whether or not Paterson abused his power. "The attorney general's done his job, I think, extraordinarily well over the last four years," Paterson told the press today. O, rly?

This is the depressing state of affairs in New York, in 2010. The various monsters and morons currently running-without-running for statewide office include Andrew Cuomo, Harold Ford, Mort Zuckerman, and, yes, Larry Kudlow.

David Paterson press conference time! Watch it here. He is going to stop campaigning, but keep being governor. Update: It went by so quickly! Some quotes from the governor are attached.