Brooklyn's new baby baboons have been named: Azizi and Jabari (Egyptian for "brave" and "precious") are the newest residents of the Prospect Park Zoo. Expect those names to start showing up on Park Slope strollers any day now. (Previously)

New York's creepiest-looking couple, Sandy and Brenda Frank, filed assault charges against each other last month after a fight over money and alleged infidelity. All charges were dismissed because there were no witnesses and the two refused to assist police.

Disgraced former New York governor Eliot "Three a Day" Spitzer has spoken out about his old nemesis (and Democratic gubernatorial candidiate) Andrew Cuomo, calling him "the dirtiest, nastiest political player out there." Wait a second... oh nevermind. [NYT]

Another New York governor poll gives Andrew Cuomo a 33-point lead over Carl Paladino, so feel free to ignore this one from yesterday.

We asked readers to redesign the classic I ♥ NY logo—and outdo readers of the New York Times in the process—and naturally you rose to the challenge! Here are your creative submissions and the winner of Tuesday's contest.

Highbrow Courtney Love told New York magazine that she's "the Tolstoy of text" and hates "'C U later.'" She's also trying to "finish this damn story that The New Yorker, by the way, does not know is coming." Heads up!

Carl Paladino, the perverted old rage-clown who's also "New York's Republican gubernatorial nominee," is rapidly catching up on opponent Andrew "Dandy" Cuomo. A new poll today shows Paladino within six percentage points, 43-49. Everyone get on the Carl Train, now.

Page six reports that Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad brought his own personal chef to New York for this week's UN General Assembly. Apparently not a good chef: His meals "make the whole hotel stink like hell," according to a source.

JetBlue has appropriated the iconic "I ♥ NY" logo in its new ad campaign, so the Times invited readers to create similar mash-ups. The entries so far have been pretty lame, though. And we know you can do better.

[Whitney Port, of reality TV fame, in New York today. Image: Splash]

NYPD has installed as many as 500 cameras in three of New York's busiest subway stations: Grand Central, Penn Station and Times Square. So, no more peeing off the platform when you're drunk, even if no one's around.

New York Republican gubernatorial nominee Carl Paladino, after showing opponent Andrew Cuomo's poopy skin lesions in all their gruesome detail, is now going after Cuomo's "cojones" in an open letter. Does Cuomo even have testicles? Is he even a man?

Racist emailer Carl Paladino, the GOP Tea Party candidate for governor of New York, is running his campaign like a true gentleman. No longer content with bestiality emails and stink-bomb mailers, Paladino has created a Cuomo-in-the-shower flier.

From an article about lax security at the UN building: "Smoking... is permitted in corridors yet banned in most other office buildings." Soon it will be the only place —indoors or out—you can smoke in New York. [Gothamist]

The New York bedbug attack continues: The 57th Street Niketown has been closed due to an infestation.

As many as 2,000 trees were killed by the storm that swept through Brooklyn and Queens, and meteorologists confirm that two tornadoes touched down. Lesson: New York City should be encased in a giant glass dome. (Picture by us)

Today we pointed out telltale signs that you are a poor person living in the city. Many of you came up with your own, but one commenter really took the cake. The poverty cake.

Hey, eccentric billionaires: You can buy a piece of Lady Liberty's nose! A copper nose tip used in the Statue of Liberty's 1983 renovation is up for auction. Estimated selling price: $150,000-$200,000. Goes well with stuffed grizzly bears.

Hey, look: Ground Zero has a Yelp page. And it's only got four stars! We know Yelpers can be harsh, but can't the site of one of the century's defining moments catch a break?

Thank you, New York Republicans, for nominating racist porn e-mailer Carl Paladino as your gubernatorial candidate! Because he's funny. Now, for example, he's sending out "garbage-scented" mailers to 200,000 households — as a metaphor for Albany, see?