When the latest New York magazine cover story on leading New York City mayoral candidate Christine Quinn came out this week, it quoted current Mayor Michael Bloomberg as telling a reporter to "look at the ass on her" while gesturing toward a woman at a holiday party. Elsewhere in the piece, Quinn spoke briefly about the frequent comments the mayor makes about her clothes and appearance:

Now that the New York Police Department is not allowed to stop and frisk every brown person on the street, Commissioner Kelly's going to have to find a new way to invade the privacy of New York's citizens. Luckily, the man beloved by three of four New Yorkers works fast: yesterday at the Waldorf-Astoria, Kelly announced the T-Ray machine, which can detect a gun underneath your clothing from 30 feet away.

If your idea of a perfect Sunday is one that opens with you going temporarily blind following a fit of frothy, incoherent rage, The New York Times real estate section is your jam.

It will already be less risky to possess marijuana in New York City in 2013 after a Manhattan judge ruled against the NYPD's "stop and frisk" program. Well, okay, that applies to minorities, who were the only ones arrested and jailed for possessing small amounts of marijuana discovered during "stop and frisk" in the first place. But if New York governor Andrew Cuomo has his way, it won't be an issue for anyone in the state any longer.

The owner of a goat that was spotted eating pizza around New York City is being charged with sexually assaulting a woman he brought home from a nightclub.

Another arrow in the gaunt, stylish corpse of la vie bohème: the New York Daily News reports that a judge ruled on Tuesday that a Manhattan school's firing of a French teacher was legal, after the woman allowed six eighteen-year-old girls to drink wine while on a school trip to France.

Last month, the Journal News sparked a firestorm of protest when it published a mappable database of every licensed gun owner in Westchester and Rockland counties, north of New York City. The paper obtained the data—which New York state law explicitly and unambiguously demands be made public—through open records requests. The reaction was swift and furious—gun rights and privacy advocates published the names and addresses of the paper's editors in retaliation, and the paper (ironically) hired armed guards to protect against threats.

Michelangelo Signorile humiliated a guy who called him and his boyfriend "disgusting" "faggots" in Chelsea. Hero.

New York's holiday traffic is officially so bad that people are giving birth in it.

The Times has sent critic Dwight Garner on a literary tour of New York in order to answer novelist Gary Shteyngart's immortal question, Can New Yorkers still throw a good party with only a bottle of shampoo? The answer appears to be "maybe," if you are in Brooklyn and allowed to smoke and are also in a coffee shop.

Here's a picture taken outside of 13th Step, an East Village bar which was named one of Complex's "25 Douchiest NYC Bars" last year.

Yesterday, a freelance photographer working for the New York Post, R. Umar Abbasi, inadvertently stumbled onto the killing of Ki Suk Han, a man who was run over by a New York subway train after being shoved onto the tracks by an unidentified assailant.

Ricky Gervais is one of the most hated entertainers in America. Remember when he hosted the Golden Globes and was super horrible to everyone? Yeah, kind of unforgettable really.

If you run a convenience store, and someone purchases a winning scratch-off lottery ticket worth $5 million, and you decide that you want to steal it, it seems downright greedy, even in the context of a ripoff, to do this:

Earlier this month, James Dolan's Madison Square Garden Company drew fire when we revealed it was demanding all its New York City-area employees, many of whom were still suffering the damages of Hurricane Sandy, to either report to work or use their vacation time. Today, Dolan's other company, Cablevision, is taking a similar tack when it comes to having sympathy for Sandy's victims.

At a news conference today, Governor Cuomo gave the first estimate on exactly what the cost of Hurricane Sandy is going to be, stating that the storm cost the mid-Atlantic region $50 billion and New York state specifically $33 billion. Assuming this number does not go up (it likely will) Hurricane Sandy is officially the second-costliest hurricane in U.S. history.

This morning was the first day back to work for many New Yorkers, and with the subways still not running 100 percent, the typical moderately aggravating commute transformed into a jam-packed nightmare for some.

For New Yorkers:

Hurricane Sandy is currently enjoying a nice leisurely Sunday off the coast of South Carolina as she prepares for her jaunt up the coast en route to the finest cities the East Coast has to offer (and, yes, I mean Atlantic City). Current projections show that Sandy should be touching down in South Jersey around 2 a.m. Tuesday morning — she is expected to cross the state into Pennsylvania before heading north through western New York into Canada, where she will presumably stay if Mitt Romney has defeated Barack Obama.

The likelihood that the East Coast will be clobbered by Frankenstorm (more correctly: Frankenstorm's Monster), perhaps starting as early as Sunday is 90% as of yesterday. Most people here have resigned themselves to the fact that they and their loved ones soon will be washed out to sea, and just as Apple was beginning to experiment with new, excitingly-sized products (bummer).