Meet Ted and Gracie, a couple living in the East Village who are ready to pledge their lives to each other. Unfortunately, the video makes us feel as though we're accomplice to the inevitable murder and dismemberment of Gracie's body.

The cops who busted Lindsay Lohan mistook her drug stash for a crushed mint. Tinsley Mortimer faked a relationship. John McCain loves to gamble. Things get even dicier for The Office. Hump day's gossip is full of boobs.

A correction ran this weekend, for an Adam Lambert concert review from last week, stating that the American Idol runner-up didn't just kiss his (MALE!!!1!) bassist, he licked his lips. And had his own lips licked. Thanks, Times!

In your melting Monday media column: perversity finds its way into the Grey Lady, fake NYT trend story may be fake, Katie Couric could return to CBS, and David Carey leaves Conde Nast.

The Times today explores the trend of high schools naming more than one person—as many as ten!—their Valedictorian. Some people are worried that this might dilute the honor of being named high school valedictorian, which is akin to worrying that water might dilute the bottle of urine someone is forcing you to drink.

Silly David Brooks. In his Times column today, Brooks condemns Rolling Stone reporter Michael Hastings for being so childish as to print illuminating, on-the-record words from Stanley McChrystal and his aides. Why can't Hastings be as cautious as David Brooks?

The NYO is reporting that Gerald Marzorati is set to announce that he's stepping down as editor of the New York Times Magazine after seven years. They say he's getting "another job within the Times Company." [NYO]

In your hateful Thursday media column: CNN staffers hate Eliot Spitzer, Newsweek hates China, a former Newsday editor moves to NY1, the NYT gets itself a fancy "Tumblr," and whites spotted on the teevee.

Clark Hoyt left last week after a very competent but rather unexciting term as the NYT's third public editor. Today, they named his replacement: Arthur Brisbane, former Washington Post editor and reporter, editor and publisher at The Kansas City Star, and Knight Ridder exec. He went to Harvard. He'll fit right in.

In your odd Tuesday media column: a NYT Magazine freelancer's desperately seeking Wikipedia help, Eliot Spitzer's coming to CNN, an age bias suit against a NYC TV station, and Mike Bloomberg saves the media, no problem.

In order to avoid "colloquialisms, neologisms and jargon," the Times has banned the word "tweet."

Addiction recovery is a lonely road to walk—all your party friends are gone. Add a vacation house in booze-happy edens like Fire Island and the Hamptons, and it becomes even lonelier. The New York Times gets this.

The utopian land of Sweden reserves two of the government-mandated 13 months paid parental leave for fathers. This has turned men into hunky he-dads who slaughter game as well as they change diapers.

When bros talk about bros icing bros, they're like, "Bro, you got fucking iced." But when the New York Times talks about bros icing bros, it's like "Drinking Game Poses Query, Who's 'Icing' Whom?" Ha, "Whom?" That's an icing, bro.

Last Tuesday, the New York Times raved that the "stylish and easy-to-use" iPad app Pulse gives "hope... [to] news organizations still puzzling over their iPad strategies." On Monday, New York Times lawyers had the app banned. That'll teach those hopemongers.

New York Times writer Alex Kuczynski is spouting her usual nonsense. She hates denim-printed Huggies and is sick of parents dressing babies like adults. Her solution? Using the fashion diapers to dress her own baby up like an adult. Huh?

In your standoffish Tuesday media column: Robert Thomson is talking trash nonstop, Michael Isikoff's liberal bias exposed, CNN is giving up on news, Good Morning America goes into the magic business, and shameless Onion regurgitation of the day.

Today's Public Editor column in the New York Times is like a living time capsule. An ornery reader wrote in asking, basically, "What is this thing called 'blogs'" And the Times' managing editor decided to answer him.

The Journal has responded to the cease-and-desist it received from the Times earlier this week.

The New York Times and the Wall Street Journal are locked in a mortal newspaper war that will determine the future of American journalism, etc, etc. Haha, but seriously they are arguing over marketing slogans, now.