Everyone's favorite New York Post sex monster Andrea Peyser has once again dipped her pen in sexy red ink and written a hot-blooded crime noir about the acquittal of "tot mom" Casey Anthony. It's dark, folks. Our usual chronicler of Ms. Peyser's Zane-like tone poems is out today, so I think it best to just let Ms. Peyser speak for herself.

This past weekend, the New York Post branded the maid who accused Dominique Strauss-Kahn of rape "A HOOKER," based on a single anonymous source, who said it was so. Now, she is suing them for libel. Makes sense.

In your finally Friday media column: Col Allan's anti-leaking rampage, The Baffler returns, UK papers kill their international editions, The Wrap infiltrates Reuters, and the Times Square light pole guy's media stunt backstory.

Here are the covers of New York's three biggest dailies. Notice anything? That's right: Only the News Corp-owned Post had the guts to cover the shocking story of a "hero cop" saving a "suicidal gal." What do the Times and the Daily News lead with? Some obscure bit of legalism passed by the bums in Albany. [Yawns] Looks like we all know which paper covers the real New York!

In your self-important Wednesday media column: Bill Keller's opinions on the internet are neverending, the New York Post gets more expensive, Salon's CEO resigns, Brian Lam moves to the ocean, and Poetry magazine successfully spends lots of money.

In the cutthroat tabloid wars of America's most competitive media market, scoops are the currency by which newspapers live and die. Today, the New York Post has scored what may prove to be the definitive journalistic coup in its centuries-long battle for supremacy in Gotham's newspaper market: the EXCLUSIVE story of one lady being mad at another lady, in the supermarket.

If you haven't been reading the New York Post's coverage of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, well, then you really should be. The DSK story was tailor made for the Post: Snooty, filthy rich Frenchman allegedly sexually assaults a hotel maid in AMERICA. How does that sit with your Freedom Fries?

A headless corpse was discovered on Long Island yesterday, about 100 miles from where 10 others have been found. As the Post helpfully points out, the beach is "about three miles" from a home that Paul McCartney owns. Uh, thanks?

Andrea Peyser, an angry tabloid sex columnist in New York City, is an expert on all matters military, thanks purely to her hatred of gays and Muslims. Today, she uses that hard-earned sexxxpertise to pick apart the most recent outrages against Army and Country by Commie crosstown rag "The New York Times."

81-year-old Yorkie-crazed gossip columnist Cindy Adams is so bewildered by technology, she devoted a column to perplexing contraptions like cellphones, doorbells, and windows.

It's prom season, which means it's time for the New York Post to roll out its trend story about how New York City proms are more outrageously expensive than ever. However! Our scientific meta-trend analysis shows isn't quite the case.

From the New York Post today:

The New York Post has five(!) total bylines on today's story about the very latest Hot Sexxxy Teacher Sexxx Scandal here in New York. What salacious details has all that reporting power turned up?

The New York Post does not have a great track record at telling black people apart, whether they're media moguls or reality TV stars, so we can't say we're surprised that this Page Six item about R&B singer Mary J. Blige ran with an incorrectly-captioned picture of R&B singer Keri Hilson (full screenshot below). But we know running a daily newspaper can be difficult, so we've created this handy visual guide to help the Post distinguish between Ms. Blige and Ms. Hilson. No more drama, indeed! [pics via AP]

For years, a current photo of the reclusive and bilious blog empress Nikki Finke has been the holy grail of people who care about Nikki Finke. It now appears that such a photo exists, and may be published soon. But Nikki says it's not her.

In your frostbitten Monday media column: Ed Schultz proclaims his independence, the Harper's union fight intensifies, major layoffs at the BBC, Mark Bittman's column changes places, and Col Allan communicates with subtlety.

The New York Post's war on the Sanitation Department over the Snowpocalypse cleanup apparently worked: "I had one old guy throw a mini-snow blower at me because I plowed past his driveway," one sanitation worker told the Daily News.

The Post has uncovered an evil, stealthy assault on Christmas and it's coming from a place you'd least expect it — the YMCA! Yes, Manhattan's McBurney Y is snubbing Santa Claus for Frosty the Snowman at this year's kids luncheon.

Gregg Birnbaum was the well-liked political editor of the New York Post, a 17-year veteran of the paper. Until yesterday, when he left abruptly. The reason, we hear: he got sick of NYP chief Col Allan's obnoxious behavior.

New York state senator Kevin Parker is currently on trial for attacking a New York Post photographer last year. Parker's lawyer says the case is "entirely about politics." I dunno. It almost seems like there's a pattern here.