Poor Keith Kelly. The New York Post media reporter's mission in life is to bash rival tabloid, the Daily News. (Kelly landed a good punch on the Daily Snooze, yesterday, when he reported on a blowup between two sports writers at the News, one of them a survivor of locker-room harassment.) But Kelly, before he took Murdoch's dollar at the Post, used to work at its despised competitor. And the veteran reporter, even ten years later, still gets confused. As this voicemail, being passed round the News, demonstrates. Marvel, child journalists, at the media world's most feared investigator at work. (Oh, and, yes, it is indeed petty for a News staffer to pass on Kelly's inarticulate message; nearly as petty as the Post's endless rubbishing of its competitor. Petty, and endlessly entertaining.) Listen here to Keith Kelly's request for a callback on the News "stuff".

The New York Post claimed yesterday that police were looking to interview Mary-Kate Olsen about the death of her friend, Australian actor Heath Ledger. Police spokespeople and the tabloid's competitors, including Gawker, may have been too quick to rubbish the line of inquiry. Today, The Post ups the pressure with a set of questions unanswered the hard-partying actress: "Why did she send her bodyguards to the scene? Why didn't she tell the masseuse who found Ledger's body to call 911? Why did she think her security guards could help in a medical emergency?" But there's more: an eyewitness account to be published in tomorrow's Sunday Telegraph, in Australia, claims Mary-Kate Olsen's bodyguards entered Heath Ledger's building three minutes before the arrival of paramedics at 3.33pm, not simultaneously, as previously reported. Which begs another question. The police discovered a wide array of prescription drugs in the Brokeback star's apartment, but no illegal substances. Would Olsen's bodyguards have had time, or instructions, to remove any embarrassing evidence? (TMZ.com sources still maintain police were present at all times one of Olsen's bodyguards was present. Hunh?)

Is Mary-Kate Olsen a murderess or is she just really good about picking up her cell phone when it rings four times in a row? Contrary to the New York Post's front page today, cops say they have "absolutely no interest" in talking to Olsen about her role in the events the day of actor Heath Ledger's death. The Post's funny print format that can't be fixed on the fly will look silly all day, but the least they could do is update their website, which is still running with a big Olsen-interrogation splash. Of course, they're not the only ones.

Back in November, the unfortunate beat reporters assigned to cover the Knicks poured their hearts out to the Observer about the "gulag" that was life on the "most demoralizing reporting gig in the city." The beat remains miserable. At last night's Knick loss (duh), Post reporter Marc Berman was "restrained" by security and had his press pass ripped off. His crime? Trying to interview ANOTHER guy who was getting kicked out at the same time, for "using the word 'ass'". Of course! This can be a case study for whoever the team decides to hire for the open PR position. Hey, at least Berman didn't get it as bad as this guy:

After reporting that Time Warner was going to sell its AOL internet portal to Microsoft, media reporter Tim Arango of the was asked about his scoop-mongering secret. "It's about cultivating relationships, getting out, getting meals, a few drinks, with people who know stuff," the New York Post writer said. People who know stuff? Arango meant Rupert Murdoch, the Post's owner, presumably. So, just asking, how is Arango doing now he's at the New York Times, without a gossipy tycoon to pass him tips?

Kids these days, thinking they can facilitate change. 200 students at Bronx Science staged a walkout yesterday to demand their meanie principal be fired. Apparently she's sort of a dragon lady and insists on being called "Dr." without a medical license nor a doctorate. "She was fucking insistent on it,"an alum told us, despite the woman's denials to papers today. Oh and she wants to take away prom! "We don't even have a senior trip," this one kid whines on a video put together by the crack video team at the New York Post. Poor kinderlings! Actually, the Post's video, after the jump, is really the best part of this little drama. Education reporter Yoav Gonen looks (and sounds) like he'd rather die than be on film.

Oh, best commission ever. An editor at a publication "noted for its homophobia" — pretty obviously the New York Post — contacted Rich Juzwiak, the blogger behind Four Four and best friend of Tracie Egan at Jezebel. The paper needed a gay male ("gale", get it?) to mock a new course at the University of Michigan, on how to be gay. The proposed storyline: "I did think that all it took to be gay was sleeping w/men, but turns out I was wrong, that kind of thing." Oh, and work in Carson Kressley's new show. (He's a gale, isn't he?) You know what, why don't they just write it themselves? The full email, after the jump.

Have you seen those commercials starring real-life Knicks fans going on about how much they love their team? The New York Press called foul on the ads this week, reporting the team had hired actors to play the roles. Not exactly a shocker, how many authentic Knicks fans could there possibly be these days? The New York Post was outraged enough to run a double bylined piece today, albeit without crediting the Press story, which occasionally happens after an item has languished for a couple of days. Though, um, we wondered how the Post came across the item-can you even get the Press in Midtown?

Oh dear. Could it be that not one but two new British tabloid editors (insert obligatory Denton joke here) are coming across the pond? Over at Rupert Murdoch's New York Post, Keith Kelly is reporting that the Daily News has been wooing Daily Mirror editor Richard Wallace for the better part of a year. We're also hearing that Rebekah Wade, editor of the Sun, Murdoch's other tab, is the heir apparent to truculent Post editor Col Allan. Of course, this could also be complete crap or a conflation of the facts—two Fleet Streeters (with the same initials—conspiracy!) headed to New York's tabbies at the very same time? Both of whom have pretty pretty hair? Not possible. Possible? You tell us.

Internecine fighting among those smug striking writers? The New York Post is thrilled! As they report today, the WGA East is facing strike action from their own paid staff. These Newspaper Guild-represented employees negotiated a new contract with WGA management last October, but it hasn't been signed yet. Staffers "claim WGA East Executive Director Mona Mangan revised the contract after it was ratified...." [NYP]

Alycia Lane, the scantily clad photo-emailing-to-married-dudes Philly news anchor who punched a lady cop last weekend, has been suspended indefinitely from her station. Also: she made $700,000 a year! KYW-TV in Philly announced that Lane "would begin a planned two-week, end-of-year vacation a week early" and then they edited her out of station promos and the holiday special. WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH VIXEN JOURNOS. Sadly, this might be the end of Lane's tenure at CBS3, depending on how her second-degree assault felony case goes. And those can take a while. You call one lady cop a "dyke bitch" and suddenly no one knows you. Except: did the New York Post sweeten that quote a little bit?

An email sent to one News Corp.-adjacent building on Sixth Avenue says that the FDNY is reporting a possible reaction of "approximately 30 gallons of hazardous chemicals" as the cause of this morning's 10:39 a.m. explosion at the News Corp. building. There aren't any offices on the floors affected, which house the heating, cooling and utilities systems for the building. Fox News (whose offices are in the basement, insert satanic crack here), just wants everyone to know that "The explosion on the 45th floor has not interrupted the Fox News channel's broadcast," according to its website. New York Post offices are on the 10th floor. According to WNBC, a spokesperson for the FDNY says "We have some sort of reaction between two chemicals that caused a slight explosion." No word on which chemicals might be the culprits here, but um... 30 gallons of hazardous chemicals? Seriously? So far, the cops have closed "48th Street from 7th Avenue to Broadway and 6th Avenue from W. 47th St."

New York Post staffers just got word via panic-inducing NYPD email of a "chemical explosion" on the 45th floor of their News Corp. office building. The explosion was "POSSIBLY CAUSED BY OXIDIZERS REACTING WITH ACID," reads the memo. "HAZMAT TEAMS ARE RESPONDING," and several surrounding floors have been evacuated. One person has been injured, according to a story on the Post's website, which identifies the explosion as occurring at 1211 Sixth Avenue, "on the 45th floor of a midtown highrise." This might be one of those times where self-referentialism is acceptable, guys. You'll be pleased and much reassured to know that the fire department "HAS BEEN TOLD NOT TO ENTER THE 45TH FLOOR." Memo after the jump.

When Rupert Murdoch goes a-poaching to staff his Wall Street Journal newsroom, the New York Times won't be the first place he'll look, if you take at face value (not advisable) comments he made yesterday during an interview with Fox News' Neil Cavuto. "There are some very fine journalists there we would be happy to have, but, I mean, equally there are in other newspapers." Shut up, no way.

From the mailbag: Page Sixer "Paula Froelich just walked through the Post's newsroom with two seemingly drunk midgets with red face paint and green wigs, dressed as Oompah Loompahs. Good times."

Ike Turner is dead at 76, which means he has not outlived his onetime wife Tina Turner and thereby beaten her to the ultimate finish line: Death. See what they did there? Ike had a long and influential career during which he collaborated with many famous musicians and maybe sort of helped invent rock and roll, but he will be remembered mostly as Laurence Fishburne in the 1993 movie 'What's Love Got To Do With It,' being like "Eat the cake, Anna Mae," to Angela Bassett.

The subway antisemitism plot thickens! Joseph Jirovec, one of the Q train dudes who attacked Jews who'd wished him a 'Happy Hanukkah' told the Post that he can't be an anti-Semite because, he says, his mom is Jewish. Sort of like how, that time Joseph was accused of a hate crime against black kids, he told cops that he was a two-star general in the Bloods and that "most of [his] friends are black and Spanish."

The subway hero who interceded on behalf of two Jews who'd been taking a beating for having had the temerity to offer up "Happy Hanukkah" as a response to "Merry Christmas" turns out to have been, of all things, a Muslim! The Post nails the nuanced situation by offering up "PEACE TRAIN" as the paper's cover today, referencing both the Q train where the situation occurred and the controversial decision of musician Cat Stevens (b. Steven Demetre Georgiou) to convert to Islam. Also, this is something that went down during the alleged hate crime: "One of the group immediately hiked up his sleeve to reveal a tattoo of Christ. 'He said, 'Happy Hanukkah, that's when the Jews killed Jesus.'" [NYP]

The New York Post's city editor, Dan Colarusso, surprised everyone by quitting his job last night—and we hear he didn't go quietly. "Devastated," is how one insider described Colarusso's staff. "No one's too happy, not a good day," we were told. Colarusso worked 12-hour days, six-days-a-week while steering the metro desk. Speculation is that he'd lost patience with the "ruthless" politics of Col Allan's shop. No official word of his departure has gone out, but the general consensus seems to be Colarusso won't have any trouble landing on his feet. When he was promoted to run the paper's metro desk, just last January, Allan praised the editor's "hard news sense and street smarts."

If you miss the A train, you'll find you've missed the quickest way to a beating, unlike this poor guy, who was tag-teamed by a group of teenage girls on the subway line last month. The Smoking Gun has the full video, which the Post snapped up into a neat little interactive race-baiting package! When the paper first posted the story, it included the detail that the victim was "a white male," without identifying the race of the the ladies laying into him. The story has since been changed—now it's a complete and total mystery as to which participant was what color. Um, unless you watch the video or something.