You might recall that developer and Democratic bagman Charles Kushner, father of new New York Observer owner Jared Kushner, was sentenced to two years' incarceration for "18 counts of tax evasion, witness tampering and illegal campaign donations," not to mention hiring a hooker to seduce his brother-in-law, thus punishing Kushner's sister for cooperating with investigators. However, our crowded penal system can only hold so many billionaires, so Kushner the elder has been living at a Newark halfway house, with an expected release in "late August." If Charles Kushner does indeed walk early (we're assuming he's getting parole, time served, etc. — heard anything?), we hope he gets a column at the Observer. He could tell us about life on the inside, and all the twisted schemes he had to create just for survival's sake. Just like in Prison Break, only with work release and movie night.

Reportedly, one of youthful new owner Jared Kushner's first complaints to his staff at the New York Observer was that he "couldn't find the Observer-themed ringtones on the website." Kidding! We can't find them either. But that's all about to change, as the Observer is looking to hire a new "Vice President and General Manager, Online." The new VP's job will be to make the Observer website "include innovative information products and to serve new audiences." More blogs! More commenters! Bring on the Tom Scocca Interactive Chatbot. Additional duties include being prepared to serve as Kush's happy-hour wingman when George Gurley is unavailable, or helping Kush locate a discreet Craigslist companion for the night when that doesn't work out.

• Washington Post executive editor thinks it's inappropriate for his reporters to actually report what they've heard from sources. Unless those sources happen to be frat dudes who reveal the secrets of pawning your friend off on the ugly chick. [NYS]
• Observer editor Peter Kaplan punks George Gurley; introduces intern as new owner Jared Kushner. Good sport Gurley chuckles, drags intern into bathroom for traditional "Bump Off George's Knuckles" welcome. [NYDN]
• Jon Fine actually has an interesting angle on the whole "Time moves to Friday" thing: It's gonna hurt Life. And possibly BusinessWeek, but that goes unsaid. [BW]

We know you can't get enough of Joshua Kushner, Scenester and part owner of the Observer, so when these photos came over the transom (Ha! That joke never stops being funny!), we knew we'd have to share. More after the jump. Kid looks like he could drink Gurley under the table, at least.

He's not carrying any of the old sacks of dead weight experience that a lot of publishers carry with them.

The following just came in over the transom (haha, get it?):

• Bono buys into Forbes, filling the "Sanctimonious Media Mogul Twat" position recently vacated by Ted Turner. [NYT]
• Dishy Jared Kushner wants to do things that are "exciting and respectable." Just like Bono! [NYM]
• Has Men's Health supplanted Maxim as the nation's best-selling newsstand men's mag? Rodale says yes, Dennis denies. Either way, we're pretty sure of who's still ahead in the all-important "incarcerated" demographic. [WWD]

• Lee Gomes doesn't care what all you Chris Anderson cultists think; The Long Tail is full of shit. Inevitable Anderson riposte t/k. [WSJ]
• Mariane Pearl, widow of slain WSJ reporter Daniel Pearl, writes her first column for Glamour. Ann Coulter, 45, immediately calls her a whore. [Glamour]
• Hard-hitting Observer investigation reveals that some firefighters in the "FDNY Calendar of Heroes" come from out of state. [NYO]

Over at Slate, media critic Jack Shafer takes time away from reviewing meth-use statistics to give a little advice to recent Observer purchaser Jared Kushner. It's pretty innocuous stuff: Beef up the real estate coverage, don't be afraid to try new things, the web is your friend, etc. But the best part is in the middle, when Shafer, who writes for an organization which has sent so many reporters off to 43rd Street that it may as well be considered a New York Times Triple-A affiliate, offers the following:

Lurking 'neath the sexy Patrick McMullan watermark (someday we'll spring for photo rights, seriously) is a happy scene from the days of Radar magazine's 2.0 period. That's our favorite alleged massage fan Jeffrey Epstein at left, and Radar honcho Maer Roshan at right. In the middle is a young lass captioned only as Adriana; presumably not a sex slave, she might be model Adriana Lima (feel free to correct us) is mostly likely model Adriana Mucinska, whose name turned up in some of Epstein's trash collected by police investigators. At the time this photo was taken — during the May 2005 relaunch party for Radar — Epstein was allegedly doing his sex-tinged massage thing, and though he didn't know it yet, was already the target of a criminal probe regarding same. Maybe buying into a magazine with at least nominal coverage of salacious celebrity stories wasn't the best idea, but fortunately for Epstein, the conflict evaporated with Radar 2.0's demise. Still, why do rich men who somehow possess reputations as both private recluses and also relentless pussy-hounds find themselves inexorably drawn to media, when such investments are often both unprofitable and embarrassing?

This morning's news of the Observer purchase got us wondering: Just how far does ten million bucks really go in this town? We assembled a crack team of experts who put together the helpful chart you'll find after the jump.

After hemorrhaging about $2 million per year and failing to sell itself to Robert De Niro, the Observer has found itself a baby daddy: Jared Kushner, a 25-year-old NYU law student and son of formerly incarcerated Jersey developer Charles Kushner, has purchased the paper for under $10 million. Today most of the staff should be meeting their boy wonder for the first time; Kushner sent the following email to his new toys last night:

In his first scoop as newly-minted media reporter for The Observer Michael Calderone reports that Jesse Oxfeld, the former editor of this very site, has taken a job as senior web editor for New York magazine. According to Oxfeld, the opportunity arose when, "I was at July 4th fireworks at a New York staffer's place. That's where I met Ben Williams, who is running their web project." We're thrilled for Jesse and glad to hear that he's still hanging out with the right sort of people. But all those comparisons between Oxfeld and Elizabeth Spiers?

Congratulations to Michael Calderone, New York Observer real estate reporter, who has taken the media slot at the paper recently vacated by Gabe Sherman. Calderone's promotion (if you can call working for Tom Scocca a promotion) was reported in the pages of Jossip, and the site's personal relationship with Calderone may have had something to do with its unusual accuracy. Except, you know, for this part: "Rumor has it that many an outside media member was vying for the position (we're guessing Hudson Morgan was somehow on that list?) but the always insider-y pub chose to promote from, well, within."

Just days after having its pretty pink heart slashed by failed negotiations with potential buyer Robert De Niro, the perpetually hemorrhaging Observer may be acquired by 25-year-old Jared Kushner, son of once-incarcerated real estate developer Charles Kushner (who has been since banished to a Newark halfway house through August). The elder Kushner was sent to prison last year for witness-tampering and illegal campaign contributions; as revenge for his sister's cooperation with the federal investigation, Kushner sent a prostitute to seduce his brother-in-law, taped the incident and then sent it to his sister. This lovely man's son and the paper's potential buyer, wee Jared, is set to finish both NYU law and business schools next year, and Kushner flack Howard Rubenstein characterizes the talks as "serious." So yes, it's gotten that bad over there.

Bad news for the Giant Peach: the Post and Times both report today that Robert De Niro's Tribeca Enterprises will not be buying the Observer. Though it had been long rumored that the actor was close to reaching a deal with the paper, talks apparently disintegrated in the proverbial "11th hour," leaving Observer founder Arthur Carter and EIC Peter Kaplan without a buyer. Both sides tell the Times that negotiations are truly dead, having failed to come to "mutually acceptable terms," and throwing in the towel is not some negotiation tactic. That is to say, this romance is over, and the pretty in pink paper is all alone (save for Duckie).

• Boy reporter Gabe Sherman bids farewell to the Observer, leaving Off the Record a little more empty and the comics a little more funny. [NYO]
• Only in the hipper enclaves of Brooklyn can one live in a non-residential building, refuse to pay rent, and not be considered a freeloading squatter. That said, we're still completely jealous. [VV]
• Paris Hilton ignites a low speed car chase, gets off with a warning. [TMZ]
• Project Runway has elevated Parsons' status and made Tim Gunn into some sort of molassess-throated demi-god. [Inside Higher Ed]
• Toby Young will bash Vanity Fair at any chance he gets. Even if it means doing a podcast. [CultureCatch]
• A CVS in Ocean City is almost as frustratingly retarded as any Duane Reade in Manhattan. [Muk Report]
• Bids on a photograph of Kimora Lee Simmons kissing Oscar de la Renta start at $625 — having Anna Wintour in the background jacked up the price. [Animal]
• Just because: Pat O'Brien's girlfriend's blog. If you remember Betsy being "so motherfucking hot," this may have some degree of relevance to you. Or not. [B for Betsy via TWS]
• New York just has, like, this vibe, you know? Like this positivity and DJs and shit. [NME]

Squeezed in at the bottom of his column, Keith Kelly reports that after 3 1/2 years at the Observer, marathon media reporter Gabriel Sherman is leaving the poor pink paper for the gilded gates of Conde Nast. Specifically, he'll be a staff writer for their forthcoming business glossy, Portfolio, where he'll never get his face-time with Robert De Niro. On the switch from media whore to regular whore, Sherman tells Gawker:

• Instead of serving hard time for cocaine possession, Boy George will be doing community service. Specifically, he'll be working for the Department of Sanitation. With the summer heat melting rat turds everywhere, we would've opted to be a prison bitch. [OMG]
• Terror returns to the financial district: Naomi Campbell moving into 55 Wall Street. [WSJ]
• Peter Kaplan and Arthur Carter are surprisingly hot. [The Real Estate]
• If Star Jones and Al Reynolds were fish, she'd be the bug-eyed starfish and he'd be a gay-as-a-rainbow trout. [Gallery of the Absurd]
• Heather Graham gets ice cream and you don't. But really, she needs it more than you do. [Almost Literary]
• If you combine Times heds with the final paragraph of the accompanying story, you get a simplified, if not mildly insane, result. [Bumper Active]
• Grace Edwards toes dangerously at the nipslip line — really, New York Social Diary just doesn't do that sort of thing, dear. [NYSD]
• This is extremely late-breaking, but when in doubt, blame sagging circulation on natural disasters. You can't argue with God's weather patterns! [Mediaweek (last graf)]

Today's Observer is just the gift that keeps on giving, ain't it? In our excitement over byline-hording reporters and sweat-averse women and shitty offices, we nearly forgot about an item tacked at the end of Gabe Sherman's media column. Joshua Foer — the youngest of the three brothers and the expert memorizer — has apparently just moved to New York, leaving only New Republic editor Frank in the familial spawning ground, Washington, D.C. What will Josh be doing in the big city? Working on a book about memory, and freelancing for pubs including the Times, Slate, and National Geographic. And where will he be living? He won't say: