In listening to New Mexico governor Susan Martinez argue with and vaguely threaten officers and security personnel who responded a noise complaint coming from her hotel room after her staff’s holiday party, one unconfirmed assumption could reasonably have been made: The governor was drunk.

If you really are only as old as you feel, then audio released today by Santa Fe police regarding a little hotel pizza party that got out of hand indicates that New Mexico governor Susana Martinez is... maybe 17 years old.

Isiah Gay appeared in a New Mexico court this week after being arrested for burglary, his first alleged criminal offense. Judge Christina Argyres sentenced him to five years probation, but not before dangling a 15-year prison sentence in front of him during which he would “probably be raped every day,” she said.

A New Mexico man who said he had recently binge-watched The Walking Dead has been charged with murder after telling police he attacked his drinking buddy. He said he believed the other man had started “to change into a zombie” and wanted to bite him, Albuquerque news station KOB4 reports.

In a statement on Thursday, police said that Tony Torrez, 32, confessed to the fatal shooting of Lilly Garcia, 4, in a road-rage incident in Albuquerque this week.

Police said a 4-year-old girl was shot and killed in a road-rage incident in Albuquerque on Tuesday, KOAT 7 Albuquerque reports.

The governors of Colorado and New Mexico declared states of emergency on Monday after a federal clean-up crew accidentally dumped three million gallons of toxic wastewater into the Animas River, the Albuquerque Journal reports.

A 911 dispatcher with the Albuquerque Fire Department has been reassigned after hanging up on a frustrated caller attending to a dying gunshot victim, NBC News reports.

According to the New Mexico Department of Public Safety, an autopsy has determined that Walter Scheib, the former White House chef whose body was discovered outside Taos this weekend, accidentally drowned.

In America, we love our advertising. So much so that when a vessel that's ordinarily used to assault our eyeballs with neon-colored laundry detergent advocacy suddenly stops trying to sell stuff to us, we immediately assume that the terrorists are finally at our door.

A toddler accidentally shot his father and his eight-months-pregnant mother in an Albuquerque motel room on Saturday, the Albuquerque Journal reports. According to the paper, both parents are expected to survive.

Thanks to energy drilling operations, northern New Mexico is now covered by "a permanent, Delaware-sized methane cloud."

The New Mexico Medical Board has suspended Dr. Christopher S. Driskill, calling the doctor "a clear and immediate danger to the public health and safety." The doctor is accused of frequently being drunk at work and having inappropriate relationships with patients, apparently once leaving a woman giving birth "unattended" while he had sex with another patient.

A driver who had gone missing on the road in New Mexico after a one-car accident says he woke up the following morning in a field of donkeys and wasn't so clear on how he got there.

According to The National Weather Service, the worst infestation of grasshoppers to hit Albuquerque in twenty years is so dense that it's showing up on weather radars like rain.

John Boehner does not want 500,000 beautiful acres in New Mexico to be designated a national monument. I mean, he does, but Obama wanted it more and, you know, fuck that guy.

New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez, a rising GOP star who's spearheaded the party's outreach to women, was caught on audio calling her 2010 opponent "that little bitch" and complaining that teachers are overpaid because "they already don't work, you know, two and a half months out of the year."

Today the Supreme Court turned down the opportunity to rule on a case about same-sex wedding photography that fulfills every nightmare religious conservatives in America have about our new era of gay rights. The state of New Mexico had ruled that if you are in the wedding-photography business, you must be willing to take photographs of weddings involving same-sex couples—even if your own religion opposes such weddings.

As you might imagine, the former police officer who fired three shots into the back of a minvan full of children has some regrets.