Yesterday New Jersey governor Chris Christie once again talked shit about the cast of Jersey Shore and said he wants New York to "take them back." He really needs to shut up about this.

A New Jersey man is in critical condition after being bitten by his new pet, an albino Monocled Cobra, which he purchased over the weekend along with a rattlesnake and a copperhead. He thought the venom sacs had been removed.

Top Republicans asked Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, to deliver their official response to the president's State of the Union tomorrow, and he turned them down. Smart move on his part! He'd probably just yell at everyone.

Silly Chris Christie. The New Jersey governor's latest rant about the state government going "bankrupt" yesterday rattled financial markets and forced the state to cut its new bond offering by half. Governor Sandwiches will be eating crow, now.

Thanks to a lengthy exposé by the Newark Star-Ledger, New Jersey lawmakers have introduced bills that would require random drug testing for anabolic steroids among law enforcement agencies, and health evaluations before prescriptions for steroids can be issued.

[The sun setting in Liberty Park, N.J. on Monday night. Image via AP]

On Tuesday, a passenger informed airport security that he was bringing a dead dog in a cardboard box on a flight from Newark to Los Angeles. This was fine, until officials realized it hadn't been properly screened for explosives.

It's America's trashiest magazine, Steppin' Out! Our beloved New Jersey nightlife magazine printed "December 2011" on its cover this week. Luckily, editor-in-foolishness Chaunce Hayden offered no fewer than 27 half-naked Steppin' Out pin-up girls to make up for it.

Some losers who have probably never even been to Disney World are saying that it was a bad idea for Christie to head down there last Sunday right as what ended up being a massive storm churned towards his state. (His lieutenant governor was away, too, in Mexico.) But do not try to make Chris Christie feel bad about about being a good dad. He planned the trip way before any dumb snow storm, so it would be totally unfair to his kids if he had just cancelled it. "I wanted to be there with my kids..." he said at a very defensive press conference today. "I had a great five days with my children."

Major snowstorms are a great opportunity for mayors to look useful, perhaps even human. Newark Mayor Cory Booker, for example, is shoveling snow and running errands for every lazy bum who asks him, on Twitter.

Where has the honorable Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, been during this snowpocalypse? In Disney World, eating sandwiches. And the lieutenant governor literally fled to Mexico! So a Democratic acting governor is running things, and probably raising taxes.

It only took a huge exposé, but the president of Jersey City's police union has decided that maybe officers should face more rigorous testing for anabolic steroids after hundreds of Jersey cops were implicated in an illegal 'roid ring. [Star-Ledger]

New Jersey this week approved the sale of anti-abortion group The Children First Foundation's "Choose Life" license plates after a 7-year legal battle. The state bowed to the group to avoid racking up more legal fees. None have been sold.

The body count from the New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection's weeklong bear hunt has reached 441, and there are still two days to go. The DEP says "human interaction complaints" have dropped after previous hunts. Whoa, really? [NBCNewYork]

The highlight of Barbara Walters' 10 Most Fascinating special tonight—naturally—was her interview with the Jersey Shore cast, which was almost as dirty as the show itself! Inside, watch Walters and the gang talk Grenades, Smushing, GTL and more.

Richard "Rhino" Winant, a bounty hunter from New Jersey, was arrested for shooting at a coke dealer with an illegal handgun last week in Lakewood, after the dealer tried to run Rhino over with his car. Vigilantism at its finest!

New Jersey's medical marijuana law may go into effect as early as this spring

Besides scaring the shit out of people, America's favorite medical fearmonger, Dr. Mehmet Oz, is also apparently a bad neighbor. He planted 46-foot cedar trees to hide his pool from paparazzi, but ruined his neighbor's property value in the process.

Today on Regis & Kelly, Regis brought up the recent popularity of New Jersey. As it turns out, Regis is a big fan of Jersey Shore, "Snoozi" and The Situation and adopts his own nickname — The Satisfaction. Gross, Regis.

New Jersey owes the federal government $271 million (by Christmas Eve!) for killing the Hudson River rail tunnel.