NBC head Kevin Reilly, who just weeks ago optimistically unveiled his network's fall slate to advertisers with the fighting, Muhammad-Aliesque couplet: "We've got the class and next season we're ready to add some mass," has been relieved of his Deal or No Deal-replicating duties once and for all, in a Memorial Day weekend surprise shakeup ordered from on high by NBC Universal's Peacock King, Jeff Zucker. Reports LA Weekly's Nikki Finke:

Three months after signing a three-year extension with the network, NBC's entertainment chief Kevin Reilly is out of a job, being replaced by Ben Silverman, producer of "The Office." The news was first reported by Hollywood blabbermouth Nikki Finke (please save the e-mails, Nikki, we mean it in a good way) on Friday, and then regurgitated without credit by the New York Times and the LAT yesterday. (Classy!) The Wall Street Journal notes that Reilly, responsible the for "Heroes," last season's only hit, got like a totally raw deal.

"Dateline NBC" anchor Stone Phillips out at NBC, freeing up network cash for more "To Catch a Predator" segments. [Baltimore Sun]

· Robert Rodriguez will direct a remake of 1968 Jane Fonda sci-fi spank vehicle Barbarella for Universal; producer Dino De Laruentiis describes their plans for the project thusly: "In our vision, the future is female, and I can't wait to introduce 'Barbarella' to a new generation of moviegoers." We think we know where he's going with this: space lesbians! [Variety]
· Realizing that launching a hopeful summer blockbuster in the magical month of May seems to boost even the most disappointing of mega-budgeted sequels to record-breaking heights, studios are rushing to claim May release dates for their 2008 and 2009 movies. [THR]
· Broadway Out of Ideas: The Addams Family is being adapted into a musical, scheduled to hit the stage in 2009-10 season. Is it too early to make the easy joke about slapping a Gomez moustache on Hugh Jackman? [Variety]
· Following its corporate parent's "NBCU2.0" mandate to get both cheaper and dumber across all divisions, NBC News shitcans anchor Stone Phillips after 15 years on Dateline, replacing him with a non-union model who will open a briefcase that may or may not contain a videotape of that evening's stories. [THR]
· Richard Gere will take time off from his busy schedule of publicly despoiling Bollywood actresses to produce and star in Hachiko: a Dog's Story. [Variety]

Refusing to languish in the humiliating limbo in which NBC had placed declining franchise The Apprentice as it tried to finalize its new schedule, dignified billionaire Donald Trump has seized control of his television destiny by releasing a statement declaring that he's "moving on...to a major new TV venture." (Though we wouldn't be surprised to see a full-page Variety ad appear tomorrow featuring Trump strangling a peacock once he's had another day to marinate in his rage over the network's affront.) While the nature of this "new TV venture" remains undisclosed, we suspect it will somehow tie in to his latest attempt at brand extension, revolving around the mogul's recent foray into the high-end meats business; a teaser poster for Trump Steaks: The Series (catchphrase: "You're underdone.") follows after the jump:

In between super-sizing, over-ordering, and spinning off every decently rated property on its current programming roster, NBC managed to slip a couple of semi-original shows onto its Fall schedule. To whet your appetite for their upcoming September offerings, the network has posted a number of teasers to its YouTube page, including the above clip from its Bionic Woman update. Network president Kevin Reilly did proudly disclose his "choke on our classy hits" strategy yesterday, so we're not too surprised to discover that the show feels a little like Heroes in atmosphere (why not just go all the way and have the one with the pissed-off reflection turn up to bust Jamie out of the hospital?). If you're still feeling nostalgic for the original even after watching the rebuilt heroine nearly kill her physician because she's less than thrilled with her new legs, a clip of its classic opening credits follows after the jump:

· Trump will have to settle for firing his real-life employees while NBC decides if it's going to strike the boardroom set forever.
· We dare not embed this amazing clip for fear that some innocent furniture in view of your computer monitor will be scarred for life by the horrifying group ottoman freaking depicted therein.
· The Mooninites go free, with virtually no discussion of hair care.
· Scientology and Me YouTube faceoff: Shouty BBC Reporter vs. Creepily Intense Defender of the Faith.

As the TV upfronts are intended to be a weeklong celebration of possibility and hope, there is generally no place in a network's presentation to advertisers to pause briefly and remember the once-beloved projects that won't be going forward into the Fall season; accordingly, it took a reporter's uncomfortable question to get NBC president Kevin Reilly to reflect upon the legacy of the newly euthanized Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, whose uncompromising, visionary showrunner was just one year ago anointed the savior of the last-place network. Notes the TV Week upfronts blog:

· Maria Bello has been cast in the role of "Much Cheaper Alternative to Oscar-Winning Actress No Longer Willing to Slum It in a Mindless Sequel" in the next Mummy installment, replacing Rachel Weisz. [Variety]
· Spider-Man 3 pulled in another $85.5 million internationally, bringing its worldwide box office to $622.1 million. [THR]
· NBC demotes Law & Order: Criminal Intent to its USA Network (with second-run episodes appearing on the network mothership), while the Original Recipe L&O will stay on the Peacock, avoiding a possible banishment to TNT. [Variety]
· CBS goes pre-upfront pick-up crazy, bringing pilot dramas Twilight (about a vampire P.I.) and Laughlin (guy dreams of opening a shitty casino in Laughlin, NV!) to series. [THR]
· Madonna's husband is finally getting back into directing incomprehensible, low-budget gangster films, and will team with Joel Silver's Dark Castle Entertainment on the "action comedy" RockNRolla this summer. [Variety]

Having spent the last year riding president Kevin Reilly's "First be best, then be first" programming strategy from an embarrassing fourth place in the ratings to a more critically acclaimed, if still sparsely watched, 2006-07 TV season, NBC today officially announced its Fall schedule, with an exuberant Reilly introducing an equally exciting organizing philosophy for a new and improved slate that includes a six-episode Heroes spin-off, 30 episodes of The Office (with five super-sized installments!), and 25 of My Name is Earl. Reports Variety:

· NBC has pre-upfront pick-up fever, renewing the critically beloved, but anemically rated, Friday Night Lights for a second season. ("First be best, then be first" is the Peacock motto stitched into a throw pillow on Kevin Reilly's couch.) Also making the schedule: new dramas The Bionic Woman, Chuck, Journeyman and Life. [Variety]
· Barry Sonnenfeld is in talks to direct supernatural adventure The Box for Fox, prompting the best headline of the morning: "Sonnenfeld Ponders Fox's 'Box'." Can't wait for "Barry All Up Inside Fox's Box" when the deal closes. [THR]
· You already know all about Ari Emanuel's opinion of the Chris Albrecht ouster, but the industry's feelings on the matter remain complicated. Recovering addict/friend/Deadwood producer David Milch says Time Warner did the right thing even if they were just afraid of the bad press: "All these people saying the corporation should have forgiven him, what they're really saying is the corporation should have kept him sick."[Variety]
· Forgiving the franchise for its later floppy-eared, jive-talking transgressions against their craft, The Visual Effects Society recognizes Star Wars as having the most influential special effects of all time. [THR]
· Var boldly predicts that Spider-Man 3 will crush new competition Georgia Rule and 28 Weeks Later, but does note Spidey's fallen off the record-setting pace of last summer's Pirates sequel.. [Variety]

· Lost's producers officially get three more years to pretend that they have any clue what's happening on that island, as ABC gives the series an advance order for three more 16-episode seasons. As currently scheduled, all loose ends involving smoke monsters, polar bears, and Jack and Kate finally getting it on should be tied up in early 2010. [Variety]
· Did we mention that Spider-Man:3's $227 million overseas was an international box office record? Well, it was! Unless you don't think it should count because it includes a six-day total from some early-opening foreign territories. [THR]
· DreamWorks wins the bidding war for Peter Jackson's The Lovely Bones adaptation, committing at least $65 million to the project. Now that the deal is closed, perhaps Jackson's lawyers will calm down about assistants sharing the script. [Variety]
· Fans of the The OC who think the show was mercy-killed prematurely should be heartened by creator Josh Schwartz's pilot season buzz, which indicates that his projects for NBC and The CW are looking like strong contenders for pick-ups. [THR]
· In other pre-upfront pick-up news, NBC has already greenlighted Medium for a fourth season, ensuring that at least one network will have a juggsy psychic on its primetime schedule this Fall. [Variety]

• Thomson Corp. has made an overture to take over Reuters. Will they? Is good for stock price so far! [Globe & Mail]
  

The new Fortune profile of bald, internet-loving NBC chief Jeff Zucker doesn't bring anything to the table in terms of information—Some people think Jeff Zucker is an asshole! NBC is in a lot of trouble! Somehow Zucker still has a job! "Joey" really sucked!—but is of some interest because of its premise. You see, Zucker is a lot like Jack Donaghy, the fictional beleaguered NBC exec on the actual semi-popular NBC sitcom "30 Rock." Donaghy is played by Alec Baldwin, whose recent telecommunications issues have made him oh-so-ubiquitous in the media lately. Fortune did a photoshoot and a "humorous" interview with the pair, which it subsequently decided "amidst the subsequent Baldwin controversy, not to use in the magazine." Because controversy is really best just ignored when trying to sell magazines. At least they ran 'em online—our personal favorite is the image to the right. Oh gosh, jeez, good golly, one can only imagine what Baldwin's saying into the "phone"!

Last week, Heroes co-EP Bryan Fuller said in an interview that the character of Zach (actor Thomas Dekker) was supposed to have come out as a gay teen, but that his management, concerned that it might affect his casting as young John Connor in a Terminator TV series, balked at the prospect and pulled him from the show. A Defamer reader forwarded us Dekker's own response to the controversy, posted in a MySpace bulletin. An excerpt:

It's hard with all that sixth-order navel-gazing and water-cooler fellatio and gripping boardroom oratory on the weekdays to keep up with what's actually going on at Media Level Zero. You know, like on TV and stuff. Thus, TiVo Theosophy, in which our special correspondent Daniel Luxemburg, who may or may not own a television, momentarily steps out of the geist-glow to tell us what it all means. And why to go on anyway. Or not. Consider him a First Life avatar.

NBC's website quietly brings good—nay, great, shout-Huzzah!-to-the-heavens-and-slaughter-the-fatted-calf—news to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip's legion of affluent, upscale, and long-suffering fans: The show will return to the airwaves on Thursday, May 24, presumably to burn off the remainder of its first-season episodes, just one day after the end of May sweeps and a week after the network is expected to announce a Sorkin-free Fall lineup at the upfronts. Of course, maverick NBC president Kevin Reilly could shock the world by taking the stage in NY and announcing he's giving the show another 22 episodes, explaining to a room full of disbelieving advertisers, "Come on, it's Aaron Fucking Sorkin! He made The West Wing! I know this sounds crazy now, but If you'd read his breakdown for the second season, where Matt and Danny decide to run in the presidential primary against Obama and Hillary, you'd understand. It's going to work this time, I can really feel it."

Perhaps hoping to talk down embattled, shouty actor Alec Baldwin from whatever ledge he may have crawled out on under the stress of his punishing cross-examination by The View's couchbound inquisitors earlier today, NBC has already released an official statement about Baldwin's surprising intimation that he asked out of his 30 Rock contract because of the media shitstorm in which he finds himself:

Many were confounded by the character of Zach on Heroes, the cheerleader's best friend who seemed to be inching out of the closet, but who abruptly disappeared from the series without ever uttering the magic words. After Elton then elicited an official statement from NBC saying he was "not gay," leaving the world scratching their heads at what straight guy would list Priscilla Queen of the Desert as his favorite movie on his fake MySpace page, to say nothing of accompanying the homecoming queen to prom without once ever trying to get all up in her taffeta. Talking to the PopGurls blog, co-EP Bryan Fuller explains the behind-the-scenes power struggle that led to the last minute straightwashing of the popular character:

· An executive think-tank composed of movie and TV heavyweights proposes that the studios and the unions jointly fund an independent report to examine the residual and new-media compensation issues that could lead to a strike, described as a "a showbiz version of the report from the Iraq Study Group." Get ready for a prolonged, bloody, and disastrous war, Hollywood! [Variety]
·Brad Pitt joins Ocean's 13 BFF George Clooney in a project in which he may actually be called upon to act, the Coen Brothers' Burn After Reading. [THR]
· NBC's Kevin Reilly indicates that his network is pushing towards a year-round development schedule, an attempt at filling the creative pipeline with projects that can take over the timeslots of next fall's Studio 60/Black Donnellys-style disappointments once they're yanked at midseason. [Variety]
· And in other NBC programming news, the network will throw a May sweeps Hail Mary by broadcasting movies on Sunday night, realizing that an all Deal or No Deal schedule is probably not going to solve its ratings woes. [THR]
· You know what Hollywood's got too many of? Those damn meetings. Who's with us, people? [Variety]