[Natalie Portman at the premiere of "No Strings Attached," still plagued by the constant feeling that Ashton Kutcher is always right behind her. Photo via Bauer-Griffin]

Rihanna and Nick Minaj battle for sexy dominance. Lindsay Lohan has dinner with Sam Ronson. Gwyneth Paltrow is Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' cousin. Monday gossip is full of coincidence.

[A visibly pregnant Natalie Portman strolls in Los Feliz. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Here's a redband (read: swears!) trailer for No Strings Attached, the fuckbuddies "romantic" comedy starring actress-of-the-moment Natalie Portman and actor-of-the-never Ashton Kutcher. And it looks terrible.

Fans of quality movies should love the winter since it's when the important prestige pictures—the movies vying for Oscars—litter the cineplex. But who wants to see one depressing movie after the next? It's way too much.

Chris Brown has a really hard time not being a complete asshole. Also today: rumors of John Mayer's dating life are greatly exaggerated, Camille Grammer still sucks, and Zac Efron gets a hot beef injection.

Your feelings about Natalie Portman's Uterus Theme Week are a window to your soul. Taylor Swift and Gwyneth Paltrow are besties. Miley's salvia bong for sale. Lily Allen and LeAnn Rimes are engaged. (Separately.) Tuesday gossip is aglow.

Here's a trailer for the Don Roos film The Other Woman, a drama filmed two years ago that's just now getting a small release, possibly now that Natalie Portman is the movie star of the moment. It looks good?

Natalie Portman will never be your girlfriend because she is engaged to ballet dancer Benjamin Millepied (who she met on Black Swan) and having his baby. Wow, this is really going to mess up her choices for an Oscar Dress.

Even from rehab, Demi competes with Miley for the Disney Girls Gone Wild crown. Britney's creepy ex might be stalking Lindsay. Natalie Portman might hate Mila Kunis. Diddy's burning woman must cut off her hair. TGIFriday gossip.

Miley's superfan vigilantes set their sights on a girl named Anna Oliver. Angelina Jolie laughs at her Golden Globe nomination. Hulk Hogan's beach wedding devolves into a brawl. Wednesday gossip fears for its life.

Here's a trailer for Thor, the latest addition to Marvel's growing Avengers lineup (which will soon be a movie all its own). Star Trek spacefox Chris Hemsworth (Miley's bf's brother!!!) plays the mythical Norseman stuck in the human world.

Like so much else this weekend, the box office was a complete disaster! Everything was ruined, including a beloved franchise and the careers of two beloved actors. All is rot and ash now, so let's sift through it.

Well, it's that most wonderful time of the year again. No, not Christmas, the war against which we are fully waging. We mean Oscar season! Some early awards have been given out, so it's time to start the prediction game.

This week, the Fashion Police discussed the dresses the stars of Black Swan rocked at the film's premiere. The opinions: Mila Kunis? Fabulous. Winonna Ryder? Horrid. Natalie Portman's Christian Dior dress gets an A, but her book-as-a-purse gets an F.

We were excited to find out what the buzz about Black Swan, the ballet centric psychological thriller directed by Darren Aronofsky, was all about. It's a thing of terrifying beauty, and better than you'd probably expect it to be.

Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe pull the plug on their predatory credit card. Lindsay Lohan wants a restraining order against paparazzi. Tom Brady battles male pattern baldness. Brad Pitt's plague of poor fashion choices returns. Tuesday gossip is a lost cause.

On GMA, Natalie Portman talked about her year-long training schedule in which she lost 20 pounds: five hours a day of dancing, swimming and toning. Interestingly, she was approached about Black Swan over 10 years ago.

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You probably already met him this summer in Inception, but meet him again! And again! Also today: Fox is really happy about a new Alien script and hopes Natalie Portman will be too, and Real Housewives of Rock 'n' Roll?