Sorry that I'm talking about Christmas before you've even eaten your Thanksgiving meal, but some things just can't wait. Like most of you, I'm already rattled with fear over finding that perfect little stocking stuffer, that one gift that will make all my friends and family think, "Wow, what a thoughtful kid." Thankfully, Horny man Travis' NaNoWriMo entry has put my mind at ease.

We're now 12 days into "National Novel Writing Month," the annual event in which thousands of people, encouraging and guiding each other online, pledge to write entire novels over the course of November. The official "NaNoWriMo" forums are abuzz with encouragement and advice, testifying to the power of group support in achieving your goals. They are also filled with some of the worst ideas you will read in your entire life.