Hello! It's Tuesday! And that means it's time for this week's American Idol performance episode. Tonight, the Top 10 will sing live for your votes from 8:00 to 10:00 PM ET on FOX. Excited? More inside, plus your open thread.

Today, illicit DJs spend their time worrying about transporting equipment and discovering the new Dizzee, VBS and an elderly gentleman explain that in olden times pirate radio was all about groupies, appendicitis, and keeping bodies from washing ashore in Spain.

YouTube is often lauded as an innovation that revolutionized the distribution system for contemporary music videos. But, it also functions in another, largely unheralded capacity: it facilitates the discovery of old artists by new generations.

Are you one of those "young people whose true religion is music?" Marketing consultants have determined the proper place for you to live: in a gleaming, Miami Beach-style condo on West 30th street. Where music lives!

With any popular music video comes a seemingly endless amount of web parodies, and Lady Gaga and Beyoncé's "Telephone" is no different. But how do you separate the good ones from the junk? You let us do it for you!

Merton made a splash on the viral stage two weeks ago with his Chatroulette piano improv, which spread around the web like [STD] on [actress]. Well, he's back, and his second video is just almost as entertaining. Watch inside.

Lady Gaga's newest fans? Judging by this video, it's a Hasidic Jewish wedding band, whose creative introduction of the bride and groom was made with a medley of three of Gaga's biggest hits. Mazel tov, indeed! The sure-to-make-you-smile video, inside.

Last night's American Idol contained some of the worst performances in the show's history. And with "mentors" like Miley Cyrus—who just butchered her performance of "When I Look At You"—it's not hard to see why. Video inside.

Perez Hilton would have something to do with Justin Bieber's improbable rise to stardom. Hilton all but claimed he fashioned Bieber out of tween clay in an interview to MTV.com: "I make things happen." Justin Bieber = A thing. [MTV]

First MGMT, then Anthony Bourdain, then Weezer and now: Of Montreal. The Athens, Georgia indie-rock group guest starred with the cartoon cast of every hipster parent's favorite kid's show and performed a song about what to eat when you're sick.

Some people are just born with good taste. When this dad puts on Miley Cyrus, his little girl begins shrieking. But when he puts on Bon Jovi—the shrieking stops. But what are her feelings on Hootie?

Heather Cassils is the awesome-looking woman who plays Lady Gaga's prison girlfriend in the "Telephone" video. But she's also a well-known artist in her own right. And she loved making out with Gaga.

Alex Chilton is dead. His old band, Big Star, made three perfect albums. There are a thousand stories of excess and studio-trashing and general Memphis insanity. I just wanted to play you some songs of his that I like.

In this video, Reggie Watts breaks down typical contemporary hiphop videos into their hilarious component parts. Warning: lots of cursing and lots of hair.

Two weeks ago, Ryan Seacrest finally grew some balls and confronted Simon Cowell on American Idol for his harsh judgments of contestants. Yesterday, it happened again (and it was awkward/full of sexual tension). Tonight, Cowell fought back. Video inside.

Today, 16 year-old pop singer Justin Bieber announced his first world tour. This merited an 81-word write up in the Times. Meanwhile, 12 year-old girls are literally weeping with anticipation. What the hell is going on? Come, elderly reader. Learn.

We should have known it was only a matter of time before a music video was made about the Dicktowel. It doesn't feature the Always Sunny cast, but there are plenty of boobs, beachwear, and crustaceans to fill the void.

In this stunning new expose, we learn the shocking truth about Dave Grohl: he is a coffee addict. Fresh Pots!

Jay-Z is a pretty good rapper. Jay-Z is not the best rapper ever. Jay-Z is not a role model. Jay-Z is not a hip hop hero. Not even for you, cool kids. Get off Jay-Z's dick.

Because people are boring, Chatroulette has lost its luster. The only way it's even remotely entertaining now is when someone can offer something besides their exposed junk. This piano player (who takes requests!) is that someone. Get ready to smile.