We do too, AARP. We do too.

The very cheery Harris sisters from Tulsa, Okla.—gunning for you, Hanson—and the other eight members of their family have released a soft-rock ode to "our man" Rick Santorum. Did you know that God gave us the Bill of Rights?

As part of our ongoing project to catalog the 2012 presidential election from a metal point of view, we've been soliciting presidential endorsements from noteworthy American metal musicians. Today: Agalloch.

Stringy-haired beer koozie Kid Rock has officially thrown his support behind Mitt Romney. Like two peas in a pod, these two. And while it's no Anthrax endorsement, Michigan is up for grabs and I guess an endorsement from a Detroit-native could help.

Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their kid "Blue Ivy"? What was the deal with Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show? Why did Whitney Houston die? Some people might say that "famous people are weird and sad" is the answer to all three questions. But no, the answer is: The Illuminati. Who? Allow us to explain.

As part of our ongoing project to catalog the 2012 presidential election from a metal point of view, we've been soliciting presidential endorsements from noteworthy American metal musicians. Today: GWAR.

In the USA and England, punk now exists solely to sell sneakers and sunglasses. In Southeast Asia, however, it exists to tell overbearing regimes to go fuck themselves.

Need a custom ringtone for that ex-boyfriend who only calls late at night, when he's drunk and horny? Now presenting the Paris Hilton "Drunk Text" ring tone collection, culled from Paris Hilton's new spoken word techno song "Drunk Text."

Well, this is very awful. This is "Drunk Text," Paris Hilton's "latest" single and a collaboration with the house music production duo Manufactured Superstars.

SNL's on a rerun week, so the writers have plenty of time to prepare for the return of LiLo on March 3. But here's a quick sketch pitch: Replace Russian oligarch and presidential candidate Mikhail Prokhorov with Fred Armisen and run this actual segment from an actual Russian comedy show word-for-word. Do not change the set. Do not change the words. Do not change the way they all bob their heads to the beat. Do nothing. In fact, maybe just get the rights and lift the entire thing. This is perfect as it is.

GQ profiled manic pixie rap waif Kreayshawn for its March issue, and the result is a mesmerizing feat of shit. Smoking shit, talking shit, and literally shitting.

It would be more than OK with me if a video of Obama singing a bluesy, soulful song made its way around the Internet about once a month. Also, how fun does Blues Night at the White House look? It looks very fun.

When your country's national musical treasure returns home to London after winning six Grammys and endearing herself to millions of bitter, cynical Americans with a single snort, it is probably in best practice to allow said treasure a fair number of seconds to bask in the moment of winning Album of the Year at her homeland's biggest music awards show. If you don't, said treasure can always flip everyone off on national television.

Breaking news: No rotten tomatoes were hurled at Lana Del Rey after her performance at Mulberry's after-party in London on Sunday. The small audience, which included the likes of Michelle Williams, Pixie Geldof, Elizabeth Olsen, were receptive to Del Rey's four-song set of '80s songs, and even clapped at each song's end.

Here, finally, is the remix of "Birthday" to which Rihanna infamously invited her abusive ex-boyfriend Chris Brown to contribute a verse. His first line? "Girl, I wanna fuck you right now/Been a long time, I've been missing your body." Oh. Cool.

As part of our ongoing project to catalog the 2012 presidential election from a metal point of view, we've been soliciting presidential endorsements from noteworthy American metal musicians. Today: Testament's Alex Skolnick and Lamb of God's Randy Blythe.

Here's Nicki Minaj, pre-Young Money signing, pre-"Super Bass," pre-pink hair, pre-Super bowl, pre-nonstop mugging, pre-stupid voices, walking through Queens and rapping over a Terror Squad beat. Pretty fun. [via Hypetrak]

Justin Bieber's evil step-brother and somehow Grammy award-winning DJ Skrillex has released a new video for his song "Bangarang." It's an extended violent fantasy about destroying the world of adults. Take this as your final warning, old people. This is probably a secret signal for everyone under the age of 18 to rise up and start wailing on us with their skateboards and yo-yos.

With the Republican presidential primary still bitterly contested between the four remaining candidates, every last endorsement counts — especially the crucial support of the Big Four of thrash metal: Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer, and Anthrax. Megadeth's Dave Mustaine has come out in support of Rick Santorum.

Rihanna is currently working on "Birthday Cake (Remix)," due out soon, and who better to feature on the track than Chris Brown. Forget that he once violently beat Rihanna, resulting in injuries police called "horrific," for there are Birthday Cakes to remix.