On his evening commute, a Manhattan cyclist spied a strange beast at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge. It had the scales of a fish, body of a serpent, head of a pit bull, and was the size of a large alligator. It was lying on a blue blanket, perhaps part of some strange ritual involving the can of Bud Light next to it. Unless these are the remains of a beer-swilling chupahipstera that died trying to reach Manhattan?

The Smoking Gun got its hands on Katy Perry's 45-page concert rider. Boy, does this little lady have some really big demands, including that her driver not try to talk to her, and no carnations ever!

Since Vogue published an exquisitely timed fawning profile of the "glamorous, young, and very chic" first lady of Syria Asma al-Assad in February, her husband has presided over the murder of more than 300 demonstrators and jailed more than 10,000 political prisoners in a bloody crackdown. Now Asma has fled to England and Vogue has tossed the profile down the memory hole.

Osama bin Laden and his Abbottabad goon squad were so creepy in their dealings with the local children. CNN's Nic Robertson reports that "neighbours say local children who kicked ball over compound wall, weren't allowed in to look for it," and "someone gave them money instead." The kids don't have to look personally; you just throw it back! Didn't Al Qaeda members have childhoods? Spoiled, fat childhoods, maybe, spent indoors playing video games.

Everyone knows that the Chupacabra, or goatsucker, is a terrifying bipedal livestock vampire who lives in Puerto Rico. But what if... the Chupacabra wasn't real? And what if... it were actually Natasha Henstridge from the 1995 sci-fi horror movie Species?

Pregnancy stress! Suzanne Somers cures cancer! Kidney transplant fight! Elderly STDs! Locked in happiness! Lady PTSD! Boxing fitness! Charlie Sheen rehab! And monster testing! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—one child at a time!

There is no hope. Discouraged and terrified scientists now tell us that the modern urban bedbug has spent the last decade drinking in our best poisons while emitting tiny cackles, growing stronger and stronger and stronger and scarier.

After watching Kanye's new video for his latest single "Monster," did you find yourself pining for more, err, monsters? Thank goodness for the internet, who has rescued us once again with this mash-up featuring Sesame Street's best monsters.

Kentuckian Mark Cothren shot this hairless animal earlier in the week because he "feared what it was, since he did not recognize it." Mark! It's definitely a chupacabra. You know, a goat-sucker? They have them in Texas now, too.

When you think back on 2010, you may reflect on the elections, or the economy, or the sporting contests. When sexxxy complaint journalist Andrea Peyser looks back on the year, she sees, primarily, gruesome death. And whores! Whores! Whores!

Three years later, Naomi Campbell is defending wearing this series of couture outfits to performer her court-ordered community service for hitting her housekeeper in the head with a Vajazzled cell phone. The explanation is even worse than the act.

Ever woken up with your face pressed against the cold, hard, plastic casing of your laptop after working through a Friday Night Lights Netflix Watch Instantly marathon? Well, a set of fuzzy laptop sleeves has been developed to help you out.

It's true. We're all sweaty, breathing heavily, and done. Just finished. Fitting that everything came to an end on Halloween weekend. A weekend full of other terrors.

Public Service Announcement to all you hardy adventurers, beachcombers, and cryptozoologists out there: no, you did not just find another Montauk Monster. You're not even in Montauk.

Cecilia Chang, the former dean of the Institute of Asian Studies at St. John's University, is a terrible person. She stands accused of embezzling $1 million from her school. Also: forcing scholarship students to be her servants. Positively Dickensian!

Failed Christian rock singer and current national embarrassment Katy Perry was performing at her old Santa Barbara high school on Tuesday when she spotted a former crush in the audience. She decided then to dedicate her worst song to him.

Monster making! Russian warming! Frog mountains! Bat extinction! Multiple sclerosis! Hurricane season! Quantum entanglement! Pet meds! And Polish geologists! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch your science—while screwing in a light bulb, all alone!

The National Enquirer reports Joran Van der Sloot, who's practically confessed to two murders including American tourist Natalee Holloway in 2005, is also being investigated for the disappearance of girls he recruited as sex workers in Thailand. What a peach!

"What would it be, if we didn't have a story about a chupacabra?" the perky Texas news anchor wondered aloud. Her co-host's reply: "It would not be a ratings month—I'm sorry, can I say that?"

Monkey soldiers of killer doom? Prehensile terror tails and teeth! Trained macaques wielding automatic weapons and Islamofasctist sympathies! The word is finally out: the Taliban is using the CIA's murder monkey program against us. The troops! The troops!