In the rich and vibrant folklore of the storied lands of South Jersey, the most fascinating creature of all is the fabled Jersey Devil. Now, thanks to a citizen journalist in correspondence with NJ.com (motto: “True Jersey”), the mystery is solved. At long last, we have proof: The Jersey Devil is real.

In just a few short years, even the word “octopus” will instantly evoke visions of the great and bloody Cephalopod Uprising, when the sea’s tentacled hordes broke humanity open like a common clam and sucked it dry. For now, however, jus’ look at this li’l squirt!

Looking for some new shirts?

Mammal torture porn operator Sea World is launching a new ad campaign to assure you, the onetime Sea World patron who's been eaten alive by guilt ever since you saw Blackfish, that everything is A-OK with those whales. They love whales!

The beaked and eight-tentacled monsters with which we enjoy a tenuously shared existence on this Earth are no longer content to sit placidly in their tanks and their oceans. Cephalopods the world over are rising up and out of the water, from Australia to the Pacific Northwest, and no land-dweller is safe.

Bret Stephens, the deputy editorial page editor for the Wall Street Journal and recipient of the 2013 Pulitzer Prize for Commentary, is a fundamentally bad person, as he explains in his newspaper column today.

The American Energy Alliance is a pro-corporate right wing lobbying group funded by the Koch brothers. They also put out hilarious cartoons. Here's one comparing environmental regulations to the CIA's brutal torture of detainees.

Fort Greene is one of the loveliest, and most expensive, neighborhoods in Brooklyn. It's the neighborhood that inspired Spike Lee's anti-gentrification rant earlier this year. Wealthy Fort Greene dog owners will not put up with homeless people, in the park.

"Confronted with reports villages near Uranium Corp. of India Ltd.'s mines have unusually high numbers of physically deformed people, Chairman Diwakar Acharya said: 'I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of those guys are imported from elsewhere, ok?'"

"Rarely has a U.S. president been so wrong about so much at the expense of so many," write Richard Cheney and Liz Cheney in the Wall Street Journal, describing a "willfully blind" foreign policy leading to "thousands of slaughtered Iraqis." They mean Barack Obama. Who else would they mean?

Now that polio is out of control in Pakistan, the White House has finally decided to let it be known that the CIA is very sorry about using public-health efforts as cover in its secret war—thereby encouraging anti-vaccination violence—and we won't do it anymore. (Unless we're lying about that, as more misdirection.)

Oh good, another thing to fill our nightmares! A rare "goblin shark" was caught by Georgia fisherman Captain Carl Moore about 10 miles off the coast of Key West in April. The last recorded sighting of this species of deep-sea nightmare shark was in 2000.

It appears that Americans may soon, at long last, get an increase in the federal minimum wage. The public is for it. Economists are for it. And today, Republican opponents may have generated their most outrageous counter-proposal yet.

When you ease into the typical airline seat, you probably think to yourself, "This roominess is freaking me out. This seat could stand to lose a few inches." Your dreams are coming true, happy traveler!

Last week, the young son of NFL star Adrian Peterson died after being beaten by the boyfriend of the child's mother. Today, a columnist from New York's most pungent gutter tabloid has figured out a way to insult Adrian Peterson.

"Whoa! This sea creature looks just like Cookie Monster." It sure does.

Beloved Leader Kim Jong Un, Mighty Nuclear-Equipped Hero King of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and Brave Machine-Gunner of Justice, is really into dolphins.

A man who spent the night with an eight-foot crocodile in his bedroom says he never thought to check underneath his bed for monsters.

Liz Cheney doesn't think her sister should have been permitted to get married.