The Way We Live Now: with our head held high. And our shoulders square. And our skin burnished with expensive tanning solutions. You can steal a hundred million and pay back less than seventy. That's how wealth is created!

This news story about advertising people at an advertising conference talking to each other in person about how much they talk to each other on Twitter is perhaps the least alluring news story of the day. This one is better.

The Way We Live Now: moping around in our unnecessary business suits. We got all dressed up, and they canceled the event. No money. So here we are in our suits, needlessly. We won't take them off. They look nice.

The Way We Live Now: feelin' the blues. Readin' the news. Payin' our dues. Stealing minor items just to score a few bucks and looking with revulsion at the excesses of the rich. Specifically, Donny Deutsch.

You can rent the entire Tokyo Mandarin Oriental Hotel for $672,150 per night. Free pastries included.

The Way We Live Now: fraying around the edges. Yes, there's always one bright, shiny piece of good news to focus on obsessively. But is it bright enough to outshine the creeping black horrors? We shall see.

Everybody wants to go to college these days, no matter how worthless college may be. Smooth move, guidance counselors: these kids are dropping out of college and costing the taxpayers billions.

The big recession officially ended in June of 2009. In practice, the only people for whom it ended work on Wall Street. Last year, Wall Street pay was a record high. This year? Even higher.

Magazine ad pages were up by 3.6% in the third quarter compared to a year ago. Mostly because car companies are buying ads again! That's good news. Fashion mags: doing well! Travel: not so well. And Maxim! Very bad.

The Way We Live Now: finally being recognized for our brilliance. Winning the Nobel Prize in Economics while the global economy's as shitty as this is a lot like winning Juiciest Cow at the Slaughterhouse. It's...an honor.

If you want to hear straight talk about race, ethnicity, and cultural stereotypes in America, look to the advertising community. They know what sells. To black people! To Latinos! To gays! If stereotypes are true, ads will prove it.

The Way We Live Now: getting more by doing less. Having realized we don't need to sell all things to all people, we find the elusive "profit." Have a raisin. Have a flight. Have a junk bond. But just one.

The Way We Live Now: emerging from the world's longest tunnel, blind and groping. We can't find decent cities. We can't find stable currencies. We can't find the hill going up. But the hill going down—that one never quits.

Hey ladies? It's science calling: a new study found that "a pre-menopausal woman is more likely to make excessive or impulsive purchases the further she is into her cycle." Saving money? Check that cycle. That's the word—from science. [Miller-McCune]

The Way We Live Now: in a permanent state of barely-controlled fury. Foreclosure furor! Holiday whirlwind! The heart-stopping ups and downs of IMF projections! Recovery is a roller coaster, on an elevator, dropped from a balloon, that just popped.

The Way We Live Now: big—in Japan. Yea, our cities are doing great—in Japan. We hit all our bingo numbers—in Japan. That real estate recovery's a-comin'—in Japan. Now if only someone would lend us some money...

The Way We Live Now: debating. Gambling, you mean? That's a cheap shot. Your whole city is a cheap shot. At least we're not snooty elites. At least we're not degenerate craps hustlers. Is Vegas done? Yes. No. Wanna bet?

The Way We Live Now: looking back with regret, and forward with dread. It's hard to know where to look, honestly. Yes, we've made mistakes. But must you all assume the consequences are over? Psht. Eh...just let it ride.

The Way We Live Now: worldwide ballin. In this case we say "ballin" in the sense of "the pit of our stomach is a ball of despair." Pack up the mobile home! Drive to Ireland! A gold rush is on!

The Way We Live Now: protecting our damn selves. It's true that fifty states together make a "union" of sorts, but we've discovered it's more productive to "unionize" only with other successful types. I mean, Mississippi? Who even lives there?