New York City private schools: is there any news about them that is not horrible? No. All news about NYC private schools is horrible, because NYC private schools are run by and cater to horrible people, exclusively.

The Wall Street Journal did a little review of corporate jet records, and guess what: corporate CEOs of public companies are regularly using shareholder money to fly themselves to resorts, on private jets. The particulars are quite disturbing!

As you would expect, the hottest business story on Long Island right now is the ongoing rivalry between traditional breast-ogling wings bar Hooters and its upstart rival, Canz. The gross patriarchal undertones are being analyzed in typical Long Island fashion.

In the mid-90s, fancy Swiss bank UBS ditched Manhattan and moved its headquarters to Stamford, Connecticut. They did this because... (ed: check this). The point is, they fucked up, because the suburbs suck, so let's stop kidding ourselves.

For some time now, America-in-store-form Wal-Mart has been experiencing declining sales, despite its attempts to use all types of different items as hooks to lure shoppers back in. Great! But Target has problems too. Wherefore the big box store?

Bawling conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck doesn't need Fox News and its Illuminati sympathizers to help him make a living. He can make money just fine by himself, due to the fact that his entire audience is composed of hapless suckers.

Perhaps you think of yourself as a "rational investor," and you're not normally "the type" to make major investment decisions based on the shrill urgings of a pop culture internet blog. Until now. Sell your gold! It's not too late!

Chin up, poor lawyers! The humble American attorney has had a hard go of it lately—it officially sucks to be a law student, a young lawyer, or, really, any lawyer, except for the super rich ones.

Mortgage the hovel! Empty the penny jar! Leverage yourself to the hilt! Scrape together whatever meager nut you can, financially devastated Americans: Groupon is going public. You have to get in on this!

Are you one of the Americans fortunate enough to still own a home? Sucks for you. Housing prices are at a new god damn low, right now, in the middle of the big recovery! Who, exactly, are the winners here?

Will our nation ever learn how to properly utilize its $105 million buildings?

A new poll of terrified and economically illiterate Americans ("the public") finds that more Americans are worried about our growing national debt than are worried about the prospect of defaulting on that debt, by failing to raise the nation's debt ceiling. Americans! Always saying nonsensical things

Does your child attend a "public" high school? You're so old. Also, broke, due to the fact that America's public schools these days charge lots of money. Is this a new thing?

Hellish linchpin of the world crap economy Wal-Mart has spent this entire year trying to lure Americans back into their low-priced honey trap. Yes, we know, you already buy everything at Wal-Mart, because it's cheap, and also because it put all the other stores out of business. But it's simply not enough.

As ever-larger American cities jockey to be the next big municipal bankruptcy, it's tempting for city leaders to look for that "magic bullet" to lift their crumbling burgs back to prosperity.

The fact that the US has just bumped up against its debt ceiling with no plan in place to raise it, on the very same day that the man in charge of the world's money was denied bail on a rape charge, may cause you what we euphemistically refer to as "the vapors," meaning "heart attacks, accompanied by wild investments in gold."

Manic stock-picking rodeo clown Jim Cramer is a study in lost popularity. When the stock market was roaring, he was funny and loveable; when the economy collapsed, he became a villain, a cartoonish symbol of America's idiocy and excess.

Our heart goes out to all those unfortunate American Dreamers who invested everything in buying a home some time in the past five years or so, only to see it all blow up thanks to the mortgage meltdown.

In the oddly satisfying slow-motion backlash against Groupon, one of the chief objections from business owners is that Groupon takes a hefty cut of the proceeds for doing nothing but selling the coupons, leaving the businesses themselves with all the work and all the risk.

Just weeks ago, discount sex outlet American Apparel was rescued from financial doom by kindly foreign investors. Yesterday, the company released its first quarter results. Which are good! In the sense of "slightly less horrible."