monday-box-office

Evil Nerds and Warrior Owls Have Defeated the Vampires

Richard Lawson · 10/04/10 11:23AM

This weekend was the most internetty weekend at the movies ever! Everyone got out from behind the glowing friend-box and headed into the scary, cold real world to watch a movie about, well, the glowing friend-box.

America Finally Defeats Mexico In Historic Labor Day Battle

Richard Lawson · 09/07/10 10:08AM

Yup, it's been decided. You're next, Europe. Elsewhere this weekend, some old has-beens fared pretty well, people just kept on taking stuff, and a romantic comedy turned out to be something else altogether.

The Shocking Last Exorcism Twist Revealed

Richard Lawson · 08/30/10 10:37AM

It's true. There's a surprise ending. Did people like it? Find out for yourself. People did definitely like a film about people taking things called Takers, and people still feel pretty good about Julia Roberts too.

It's Official: Men Defeat Women in Gender War

Richard Lawson · 08/16/10 10:19AM

Yeah, it was finally determined this weekend when a bunch of virile, grunting men pummeled not only some chick on a road trip but also her little wimpy sissyboy friend, who wasn't really a man to begin with.

Nicolas Cage Loses His Magic

Richard Lawson · 07/19/10 09:53AM

This weekend a mind-bender seared the most eyeballs, an animated romp predictably held on, and Disney's latest adventurefest fizzled like a broken wand.

Children and Gays Will Someday Rule the World

Richard Lawson · 07/12/10 10:04AM

This weekend was a big boffo one, that saw the continued takeover of the children, the continued power of Twilight, and the continued progress of the gay marriage movement. Come, let's take a closer look.

Vampires Defeat Airbenders At Bunker Hill

Richard Lawson · 07/06/10 09:52AM

This week's mega holiday box office receipts are predictably mega. For the four-day weekend (July 2-July 5th) the newest vamp flick did big business while M. Night Shyamalan bested the bad reviews and didn't embarrass himself.

Tom Cruise's Dark Knight

Richard Lawson · 06/28/10 09:51AM

The pre-July 4th weekend brought two soaring successes and a few miserable failures, adding more drama to this rollercoaster summer movie season. Let's take a look at the week before America's birthday.

Megan Fox Devoured By Money-Hungry Toys

Richard Lawson · 06/21/10 09:39AM

As expected, the second Toy Story sequel trampled the rest of the competition this weekend, leaving one new movie so far in the dust that it's hardly recognizable. But if you squint, you can make it out. It's Megan Fox.

Entire A-Team Karate Chopped By Eleven-Year-Old Rich Kid

Richard Lawson · 06/14/10 10:13AM

It's true. The spawn of Will.i.am.legend Smith has chop-sockeyed his way past the 1980s' most grizzled and proficient band of van-driving mercenaries. How did this happen? Apparently some '80s nostalgia is more powerful than others.

MacGruber Is One Bomb That Can't Be Defused

Richard Lawson · 05/24/10 10:09AM

This weekend saw disappointing figures for two new movies, meaning that fourquels and movies based on 60-second SNL skits might have a hard time getting made for the next... oh, year or so. After that, we're good to go again.

Warrior Robot Decimates Confused English Forest Dwellers

Richard Lawson · 05/17/10 09:30AM

Wham! Rattle! Clank! That's the sound of medieval commoners doing battle with a giant cherry red robot. Naturally the robot won. But the little villagers actually did OK. Way better than they could have done considering the odds.