"Why does the Weather Bureau name killer, monster storms after people?" asks Mark Soifer, son of Irene, poobah of Ocean City, New Jersey. "My kind, loving and devoted mother (perhaps a bit bossy, but nice bossy) should not be associated in any way with a mindless mass of wind, rain, and destruction."
Welcome to the terrible nexus of Foodie and Earth Mama culture: In "The Placenta Cookbook," New York Magazine reports that the placentas of Brooklyn are no longer content to be buried in gardens, or ground into powder and consumed as nutrient-rich dietary supplements. (That is so 2009.) Every placenta who is any placenta gets blended into a coconut juice smoothie, or Bloody Mary, or placenta jerky strip:
Botox Mom Kerry Campbell (who might not be "Kerry Campbell" at all, but a multi-named mystery chupacabra of indeterminate origin) has returned to The Sun, the publication where her insanity spree began, to apologize for shooting botulism into her 8-year-old daughter's face, then bragging about it on TV.
Beyond happiness! Dangerous hospitals! Depressed moms! Tinnitus findings! Morgellon's disease! Skin cancer! Binge drinking! Horse herpes! And coffee men for good prostate love! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—creepily!
I hate to be the one to tell you this — and on Mother's Day, of all days! — but your mom might be part of a syndicate of hardened thieves who steal credit cards and cash from distracted shoppers.
Just in case you forgot: Mother's Day is today! Alert, alert! You have just hours to scramble and get her something nice and thoughtful. But be careful what you get. Different gifts say different things about you.
Across America, millions upon millions of despondent mothers (3.9 million, specifically!) have started blogs to share their feelings of anomie, their existential despair at the trap that their lives have become, and cleaning tips. Many of them aspire to one day be used as a small cog in a vast corporate marketing machine. They work cheap!
The president of Disney Channels Worldwide, the fearsomely named Carolina Lightcap, recently announced that the new Disney Junior channel, for kids ages 2-7, won't focus so much on academic education as social skills and behavior lessons. That's what moms want.
In a touching(ish) blog post making the rounds today, a mommy blogger (guhh) defends her son against some mean, judgmental moms who questioned whether or not her son should have worn a Daphne from Scooby Doo costume to school.
Robert Tyrell is a 29 year-old resident of Villa Rica (translation: "noble small town"), GA. He lives at home with his mom. Things he possesses: male pride, a gun. Things he does not possess: ironing skills, gratitude, problem-solving abilities.
