A 19-year-old Vogue model wound up in court this week after she allegedly tried to steal three chocolate bars from a downtown Whole Foods earlier this summer.

Nello Balan, the Ophidian-necked restaurateur, loaned a $1,000 "leather, limited-edition Jean Paul Gaultier" umbrella to a model friend of his named Le Call. Le Call, a model who has made a habit of receiving goods from kinda pathetic figures in the restaurant industry, refused to give the umbrella back. This made Nello very mad so he drafted a note to Le Call which "somehow" appeared in Page Six today.

Apparently there's a television show on VH1 called America's Most Smartest Model in which a group of models live together and strive to perform basic tasks like eating and exercising and trying not to sexually assault each other. The winner receives $100,000 and the title "America's Most Smartest Model." For one of the contestants, a Russian named Andre Birleanu, the eating and exercising were fine, but that last part he had some trouble with.

"You have touched my heart and soul you little fucker... You make me high my sweet. My skin shivers and longs to be held by you," Kate Moss once wrote in a love note to her junkie boyfriend Pete Doherty. But now! "Movers were spotted at Moss's London home Wednesday removing furniture and guitars, a piano, paintings and suitcases." Apparently Pete slipped up and did it with a South African model last week, although how that guy even manages to get it up we have no idea. Anyway, guess the wedding's off!