OK, fess up now. Which one of you started the Ashley-Judd-for-Senator rumor? I'm not mad, I just want to nip this one in the bud before to leads to dashed hopes and hurt feelings and Judd taking a year away from acting.

About 20 to 30 activists with the group OurDC have boldly taken things straight to the dark heart of American politics: Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell's office, which they have Occupied.

Thank God the Senate was finally able to kill those jobs so quickly! Now the nation's top senators can return to the usual business of using their elevated positions to funnel money and prestige to institutions in their home states.

Sen. Mitch McConnell, the evil procedural genius who somehow always manages to be the most powerful person in Washington from his lowly perch as Senate minority leader, doesn't take offense when people call him and his party "hostage-takers." He rather fancies the title! But he does want to clear up the details of how and why he loves taking legislative hostages.

There's been what appears to be a seismic shift in ye olde debt ceiling developments this afternoon, thanks to the Senate's in-house turtle, Mitch McConnell. We're still waiting to hear the "catch," since Mitch McConnell is a brilliant, mischievous sociopath who ruined much of Obama's first two years in office. But he's released a new proposal this afternoon that looks a lot like, well, caving with a lame attempt to save face.

No one likes to talk about this particular sphere of gridlock in American public life anymore, but let's rehash it for old time's sake: Why can't we try terrorism suspects in U.S. criminal courts instead of Guantanamo military commissions?

The Senate: It actually functioned in the past week! But that was only after election pressure on moderate Republicans died down. Endless Republican obstruction will continue next year, more painfully. Will Democrats dare to change the "sacrosanct" Senate rules?

A lot happened in Washington, D.C. on Thursday night! In the House, representatives passed President Obama's huge tax package, while in the Senate, Republicans embarrassed Democrats, again. Let's take a look at the fortunate and the unfortunate:

All 42 Senate Republicans have signed a very strongly worded letter pledging to block all legislation until George W. Bush's tax cuts are renewed. Suck on that, people whose unemployment insurance expires today! And who will name the post offices?

And the first showdown between Tea Party Republicans, led by Sen. Jim DeMint, and Sen. Mitch McConnell's establishment goes to... the teas! McConnell has dropped his opposition to a proposed Republican earmark ban. Is this a good thing?

According to Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell, "The single most important thing that we," the Republicans hoping to retake Congress, "want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president." Mitch! You're supposed to say "fix the economy."

Sen. Mitch McConnell, the Republican Minority Leader, was asked on Meet the Press Sunday if he has an obligation to the 31 percent of Republicans that believe President Obama is a Muslim. What was McConnell's answer?

Al Franken was so bored with Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell yesterday that he made silly faces at him, from the Senate president's chair. McConnell, furious, told Franken, "this isn't Saturday Night Live." True! It's even worse.

After realizing they look like huge assholes to everyone outside of the finance industry, GOP senators have decided to allow a debate on the financial regulation bill to begin today. "We owed the American people our best effort." [NYT]

Sick and tired of being pushed around, called a terrorist illegal alien, the anti-Christ, and Stalin-Hitler-Mao, the president has decided to go on the offensive against his loudest critics. It's time for some DC mudslinging!

Jew-baiting possible closet-case Senator Mitch McConnell is the new new leader of the Republican party! Sort of!

Ivana Trump turns 60 today. Anderson Cooper's mother, heiress Gloria Vanderbilt, is 85. Cindy Crawford is 43. Sidney Poitier turns 82. Coach president Reed Krakoff is 45. Grace Hightower De Niro is turning 56. Knicks guard Stephon Marbury is 32. Patty Hearst is turning 55. Architect Deborah Berke is turning 55. Charles Barkley is 46. Senator Mitch McConnell is turning 67. Actress Lauren Ambrose is 31. And poor Rihanna turns 21 today. Weekend birthdays after the jump!