Courtney Love may or may not have been spotted peeing. Mischa Barton may or may not live in reality. And David Hasselhoff definitely got drunk. Welcome to your Monday morning Gossip Roundup!

Last night, I tuned into CW's new model show The Beautiful Life hoping to gawk at the train wreck of Mischa Barton's return to primetime. What I found was worse than I could have imagined—it was actually good!

• Does Lindsay Lohan have a beef with Taylor Momsen? At the G-Star show on Tuesday night, LiLo (with sister Ali in tow) refused to pose for pics and then started casting aside seating cards for celebs like Juliette Lewis, Christian Siriano, and Gossip Girl emo teen Taylor Momsen. When event staff intervened, Lindsay got all aggro and dropped an F-bomb, naturally. But give the girl a break. She was apparently just trying to position herself near her crush, True Blood’s Ryan Kwanten. [P6, NYDN]
• At the G-Star after-party at the Bowery Hotel later that night, Mischa Barton was a little unsteady on her feet and was slurring her words. She then hit the DJ booth, where she "danced in her own world" for an hour. [P6]
• While other celebs were at Fashion Week, Chris Brown rocked a neon orange vest over, quite appropriately, a wife-beater, back home in Richmond, Virginia. He started his year-long community service for assaulting Rihanna by picking up trash and cleaning police horse stables. Next up, graffiti removal and washing cars! [Us, NYDN]

Lindsay Lohan tried to pull rank on Taylor Momsen — and failed. Megan Fox successfully summed herself up. And Princess Margaret burned Princess Diana. Oh, yeah! It's your Thursday morning Gossip Roundup!

• Just as Jude Law is getting ready to play Hamlet on Broadway next month, his most recent baby mama, model Samantha Burke, has her lawyers offering up an exclusive interview and pics of their soon-to-be-born love child. Ah, there's nothing like milking a little publicity. [P6]
• Madonna bailed on Marc Jacobs' after-party at Hiro on Monday eve despite attending his show. Not to worry: Lindsay Lohan, Mischa Barton, and Rachel Zoe were all there, so there were plenty of people to stir up trouble. [NYDN]
• It looks like LiLo has made her 15-year-old sister, Ali, her new partner-in-crime when she goes out to party at night. We have a feeling this isn't going to end well. [MSNBC]
• Michelle Williams opens up about Heath Ledger's death in Vogue's October issue: "After the first year, the pain is less intense; it's less immediate... But every time I really miss him and wonder where he's gone, I just look at [Matilda]," she tells the magazine. [Vogue]

• Poor Mischa Barton hasn't been having much fun since she arrived in NYC a few weeks ago. She says she's been "ordered to stay away from booze, boys and bad behavior following her brief hospitalization this summer." She's been allowed one vice, though: "All I can do is smoke cigarettes," she says. [P6]
• Chace Crawford and Bar Refaeli were spotted getting cozy on Friday night at 1Oak. [NYDN]
• Ashley Dupre has a new single out. She also tells the Post in an "exclusive interview and fashion shoot" that she wants to get married, have "at least two children," and be happy forever after. [NYP]
• As you've undoubtedly seen/heard by now, Kanye West stormed the stage at the MTV Video Music Awards to interrupt Taylor Swift as she was accepting her award for Best Female Video. [NYDN, People, NYP]

Tila Tequila's crazy domestic abuse squabble: drank and puked out by the D.A., while Anna Wintour gets stalked by teenage crazies. Mischa Barton channels Marissa Cooper. Mayor Bloomberg might know about Lady Gaga's peener. Presenting: your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.

Ed Norton and girlfriend Shauna Robertson leaving L'Orange Bleue in SoHo ... Jude Law arriving at JFK ... Shia LaBeouf walking in SoHo ... Whitney Port walking to Think Coffee ... Josh Hartnett and model Sophia Lie shopping at Thompson Chemists in SoHo ... Sarah Jessica Parker shooting scenes for Sex and the City in the Village ... Blake Lively and Penn Badgley hailing a cab after lunch at Cafeteria in Chelsea ... Mischa Barton walking to a photo shoot in SoHo ... Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo eating dinner at McFadden's Restaurant and Saloon on Second Avenue ... Kirsten Dunst walking by herself ... Jeremy Sisto carrying his baby in the Village ... and Drew Barrymore going to dinner with Justin Long on East Sixth Street ... and Nicole Kidman sitting with husband Keith Urban at the US Open.

Andy Roddick and Brooklyn Decker grabbing coffee in the West Village ... Kate Hudson leaving her apartment building ... Ethan Hawke walking downtown with wife Ryan and their daughter Clementine ... Andre Agassi leaving his hotel ... Whitney Port walking in SoHo ... actor Paul Wesley arriving at WPIX's studios in Midtown ... Mischa Barton arriving at her hotel in a cab, and later eating lunch outside in the Village with a friend ... Michelle Williams walking to a coffee shop with daughter Matilda ... Rumer Willis leaving her hotel ... and Ed Westwick going to dinner with Jessica Szohr at Lure Fishbar in SoHo.

Kevin Bacon heading into Da Silvano to meet a friend for lunch ... Blake Lively and Penn Badgley walking down Fifth Avenue ... Hugh Grant jogging in SoHo ... Mischa Barton taking a smoking break outside ... David Letterman getting ready to play tennis with Andy Roddick outside the Late Show ... Maroon 5's Adam Levine walking downtown with his girlfriend ... Christina Milian hugging her fiancé, and later shopping at American Apparel ... Jane Krakowski walking with boyfriend Robert Godley in the Village ... actress Archie Panjabi filming scenes for The Good Wife ... ... and Rihanna taking her brothers to see The Lion King on Broadway.

• Mischa Barton didn't get involuntarily committed to the psychiatric wing of Cedars-Sinai last month because she had a meltdown. Or a drug problem. She says it was because she had her wisdom teeth removed. Sounds plausible! [TONY]
• Speaking of lame excuses, remember how Jeremy Piven said he had to drop out of Speed the Plow because he had mercury poisoning? An arbitrator bought the story, apparently, because he ruled in his favor, dismissing charges filed against him by producers of the show. [NYP]
• Minka Kelly's rep is shooting down rumors that she's planning a fall wedding to Derek Jeter. [NYDN]

Remember when Mischa Barton was involuntarily committed this past July? Well, we finally found out why. It's because her teeth hurt. That's probably the worst rehab excuse we've ever heard. Why not just go with "exhaustion?"

Meg Ryan hailing a cab on Houston Street ... Joan Rivers leaving lunch at Michael's with her new boyfriend, Perfect 10 magazine founder Norm Zada ... Whitney Port walking in the West Village ... Agyness Deyn leaving Souen on Sixth Avenue after having lunch with friends ... Taylor Momsen waving to fans on the set of Gossip Girl in Brooklyn ... Courtney Love walking in SoHo ... Sophia Bush and boyfriend Austin Nichols at LaGuardia ... Elle Macpherson leaning on a police car on the set of The Beautiful Life ... Hugh Grant leaving a photo shoot ... Diane Kruger getting out of a limo in Midtown, and later arriving at MTV in Times Square ... Tyra Banks talking on her phone during a break from taping her show in Union Square ... and Mischa Barton taking her dog for a walk .

Aug. 17 @ 5pm Mischa Barton's whining about her computer at the Apple store. Yelled at the nice Mac Genius for something not her fault. I think her mom was with her. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

Courtney Love shopping downtown ... Mischa Barton talking on her phone while eating lunch outside with a friend ... Paul McCartney waving to photographers in East Hampton ... Dave Zinczenko, Dan Abrams, and Julia Allison having dinner at Copa in Bridgehampton ... Julia Roberts leaving her trailer on the set of Eat, Pray, Love ... Sophia Bush going inside Pop Yogurt on West Broadway and Spring Street ... Drew Barrymore shooting scenes for Going the Distance ... Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian leaving the Howard Stern Show in Midtown ... and Beyoncé and Jay-Z having an early dinner at Bar Pitti on Saturday.

Olivia Palermo and boyfriend Johannes Huebl leaving the Apple store in SoHo ... Mischa Barton arriving on the set of The Beautiful Life with a cigarette in her mouth, and Elle Macpherson walking in front of her trailer on the set of the same movie ... Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian leaving their hotel ... Kelly Killoren Bensimon posing for a photo shoot downtown ... Jerry Springer walking inside his hotel in Midtown ... Karina Smirnoff posing for photographers outside Live with Regis and Kelly ... actress Ashley Madekwe walking in the Village ... Blake Lively shooting scenes for Gossip Girl ... Rachel McAdams getting out of an SUV ... Renee Zellweger wrapped up in a blanket for an Elle photo shoot at Griffin ... and Rosanna Arquette and daughter Zoe Sidel hanging out at The Pretenders concert in Central Park.

Sherri Shepherd tried to religionize Andy Dick, Heidi claims Spencer makes her orgasm 20-30 times a day, the George Clooney gay rumors are back, Nick Lachey is lonely, Lindsay Lohan scored an acting gig and Mischa Barton has cellulite.

• Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps got into a car accident in Baltimore last night, but there were no serious injuries reported. [NYDN]
• The father of Khloe Kardashian's baby is her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Scott Disick. She was hoping to keep the info a secret to get people to tune into her upcoming reality show, but then her sister Kim ruined the surprise. [P6]
• Don't be surprised if you hear Mischa Barton's checked herself into the hospital again. She's been out, oh, two weeks now and the British tabloids are focusing on all the cellulite she has, poor thing. [DM]
• Heidi Pratt says she has "20-30 orgasms per day" with husband Spencer Pratt. Could this be because she experiences what she thinks is an orgasm every time she sees her name appear in tabloid or gossip outlet? Just an idea. [P6]

• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and their boyfriends, Nate Lowman and Justin Bartha, had super evening out the other night. It involved steak, making out, tickling, and "chain-smoking cigarettes until after 4am." [P6]
• Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez aren't on the friendliest terms these days. Now things have turned frosty between their respective girlfriends, Minka Kelly and Kate Hudson. [P6]
• Heidi Pratt appears in the new issue of Playboy. But you won't find any nude pics of her in the magazine. She says she won't strip down completely until after she has a few "upgrades" performed by her plastic surgeon. [Us]
• Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant. So who's the father? Either she's not saying because she plans to use the news to gin up ratings for her crappy reality show, or becaue she doesn't know herself. One or the other. [E!]

Speaking of life-threatening subway events, hey, what is smoldering subway hero Chad Lindsey, actor and selfless savior of unconscious people on subway tracks, up to these days? Oh he is just acting, with Mischa Barton. Check it out.