A Michigan family called 911 from their minivan early Wednesday morning to report that the vehicle's front end was stuck underneath a semi-trailer traveling down snowy I-75. A mom, dad, and their two adult children were trapped inside with no power and no heat, and the driver of the truck apparently didn't realize they were back there.

This tattooed, horned fellow is named Jesse Thornhill. He was recently arrested for attempting to run down his landlord. In a 1996 Ford Windstar minivan. Naturally, we have some questions for Mr. Thornhill. Such as:

Men are forsaking strippers in favor of suckling pigs at their bachelor parties. Minivans are now supposed to be "macho." Social scientists say that men are "redefining success." Yea, redefining it to suck.